Sex is an important part of life. Sex affects our zest for life and how we think of ourselves. Yet patients and doctors often don’t talk about how cancer treatment affects the patient’s sex life.

When you first found out you had cancer, there was a lot to learn and do. For most people, sex was not on that first list of concerns. But after things settled down a bit, you may have started to wonder about your sex life.

You may not have asked about it yet. Many people don’t feel OK talking about sex with a doctor – or even a long-term sex partner. Even reading about it here may seem a little strange at first.

This information applies to all men with cancer – men who have sex with women and men who have sex with men. It is basic information about cancer and sex. It probably won’t answer all your questions, but we will try to help you get started talking with your partner, your doctor, and your cancer team about your sex life and any problems you may have. That’s a first step toward having a better sex life after cancer.

Just what is “normal” anyway?

People think about sex in different ways, and they act in different ways, too. This makes it hard to decide what is “normal.” Some couples like to have sex every day. For others, once a month is enough. Many people think that using the mouth or tongue is a normal part of sex, but some believe it’s not OK. “Normal” for you and your partner is whatever feels right to both of you.

It’s normal to want sex as you get older. But there are some who think sex is only for the young. They may think that older people lose both their desire for sex and their ability to “perform.” Those people don’t know that many men and women keep having sex until the end of their lives.

It’s true that age may change your sexual response. More than half of men over age 40 have at least a little trouble with erections. The problem often gets worse as men age.

• Among men who are 40 to 49, about 3 in 10 have some problem with erections.
• Among men who are 50 to 59, about 4 in 10 have erection problems.
• Among men who are 60 to 69, about 6 in 10 have erection problems.
• Among men who are 70 and older, nearly 9 in 10 are having some problem with erections.

Besides age, there are other factors linked to problems with erections, such as:

• Smoking
• Diabetes
• Problems with the heart and blood vessels
• Certain blood pressure treatment drugs
• Certain anti-depressants

But there are many treatments that can help men deal with most kinds of problems. If you want to keep your sex life active, you can very likely do so.