Yes, some cancer treatment centers or communities offer support groups for kids who have a family member with cancer. There is growing awareness that children whose parents have cancer can be helped by support groups and that they, in fact, have some of the same needs as adults. The main goal of a child's support group is to give children the chance to meet other kids whose parents have cancer. Children can feel all alone if a parent is sick, and they don't know that others have the same feelings and worries that they do. Although many children know other children whose parents are divorced, it is much less common for them to know other kids who have a parent with cancer. It can be comforting for kids to meet others who are going through what they are. Children have many worries and questions. Some of these include:

• Why does my parent have cancer?
• Did I do something to make it happen?
• Did my parent catch cancer from someone else?
• Will my other parent get sick?
• Can I get cancer, or catch it from my parent?
• How will my life change?
• Will my parent still be able to take care of me?
• Will my friends at school know about my mom or dad's cancer?
• Should I tell my friends about it?
• Will people treat me differently if they know about the cancer?
• Is my mom or dad going to die from cancer?
• Who would take care of me if that happens?
• When will I be able to do things I enjoy?
• Will mom or dad still do fun things with me?
• Will I have to take care of my mom or dad?

Even if your children do not ask these questions, they are probably thinking about them. You might need to bring them up yourself. Although you cannot know the answers to all of these questions, especially when you are first diagnosed, these are issues that need to be addressed at some point. For more information, please see Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer: Dealing with Diagnosis and Helping Children when a Family Member Has Cancer: Dealing with Treatment. 

Support groups for children should always be led by professionals. Schoolteachers, guidance counselors, art therapists, music therapists, and oncology social workers or nurses with experience with children are examples of possible group leaders. Many children will feel anger toward the sick parent at some point, but few kids feel OK talking about their anger to a family member. The support group can offer a chance to talk about things that a parent and child cannot. These experts know about cancer, the issues it raises for families, and how to help kids manage some of the problems that come with having cancer in the family.

The success of a group for children depends both on the expert's use of play therapy or activities to involve children, and his or her ability to address tough issues. The group leader should be skilled in getting children to open up through play, drawing, and certain types of games. A cancer survivor may be able to do this if they have had training in working with children in groups and know how to talk about scary feelings without adding to the children's fear.

The best kind of support group for children is often one that offers a support group for parents as part of the same program. Parents sometimes underestimate their ability to teach and support their children, even though clearly they are the real experts when it comes to their children. Parents can learn a lot about dealing with their children from other parents who have been in the same situation. Feedback from the group leader about your child's experience in the group, along with any suggestions for change can also be helpful.

Few children will be eager to attend their first cancer support group. Confronting your own pain and fear is hard for everyone. But once the child goes and has some fun and feels supported, he or she may be quite eager to return to the group. And at the very least, your child has a chance to be with kids who are like him (or her), so the loneliness of the experience is lessened.

Go back to Helping Children When A Family Member Has Cancer: Understanding Psychosocial Support Services.

Last Medical Review: 05/28/2009
Last Revised: 05/28/2009