|
It is normal for families facing a new diagnosis of cancer to
be upset and worried about this crisis. For families with young
children or teens, there is also the concern about how children will
react to a diagnosis of cancer in a family member. Here we discuss how
to help children understand and deal with a parent or close family
member's cancer diagnosis.
How will children react to a parent's cancer
diagnosis?
Children take cues about cancer from parents and other adults.
How a child reacts to a cancer diagnosis often depends on how their
parents or other close adults handle the crisis. Kids learn through
their parents' behavior. Although parents know this, they still are
under a great deal of stress and have their own intense feelings of
fear and uncertainty. Sometimes, with the right kind of help, parents
and their children can
and do
learn to cope well with cancer and its treatments.
Here we will focus mainly on talking with children when a
parent has cancer, but you also can use these ideas when an adult loved
one has cancer. If a child in the family has cancer, you may want to
read Children Diagnosed with Cancer:
Dealing with Diagnosis. You can find it online
at www.cancer.org
or call us for a copy.
Why do we need to tell children that a
parent has cancer?
Some parents are afraid their children will worry more if they
are told the facts about what is happening. It is important to keep in
mind that parents and children have very different life experiences.
This makes it is unlikely that a child will react to a problem the same
way an adult would.
Cancer is an impossible secret to keep. It is likely that
you've already noticed that children tend to overhear adults talking
about subjects not meant for them--even when the child is engaged in
other activities and doesn't seem to be listening. Some kids even look
for ways to listen without being noticed if they think something is
being kept from them. When children hear these conversations, they
often detect the anxiety and worry of their parents. And even if they
don't overhear anything, they can see that others are acting
differently and usually sense that something is wrong. Kids tend to be
afraid and believe the worst if they haven't been given complete
information. The effort it takes to keep such secrets may rob the
parent of precious energy, too.
If children hear about their parent's cancer from someone
else, such as a curious neighbor or a classmate, it can destroy the
trust that parents have worked so hard to build. If children think
their parents are being vague on purpose or are trying to hide
something from them, they find it hard to believe they are being told
the truth. It is better that parents learn how to share this
information truthfully, and in a way that allows the child to
understand and take part in the discussion.
Another problem in keeping the cancer a secret is that the
child may assume that whatever is happening is too terrible to talk
about. This may cause the child to feel isolated or shut out from the
family, because no one will talk about their biggest concern. This
means that the natural desire parents have to protect their kids
sometimes only makes things harder for the child. Parents know that it
is impossible to shield children from all of the stressful parts of
life, and that their job is to teach their children how to manage these
challenges.
Finally, once treatment starts, the child may see side effects
such as tiredness, weight changes, hair loss, or vomiting. They see
that the parent is sick, and may assume that the parent is going to
die. They may think that others in the family will get the same
illness. They may think that life as they know it will end. Not knowing
what is going on or how to cope with it can be terrifying to a child.
To avoid this, children need to be told in advance about the illness
and the kinds of side effects that are likely to happen during cancer
treatment.
How should children be told that a parent
has cancer?
Age is an important factor in deciding what and how much you
should tell a child about a cancer diagnosis. The guiding principle
should be to tell the truth in such a way that children are able to
understand and prepare themselves for the changes that will happen in
the family. Kids thrive on routine -- it helps them feel safe. When
life becomes unpredictable, they will need help in adjusting to the
changes.
Young children (up to 8 years old) will not need a lot of
detailed information, while older children (8 to 12 years) and teens
will need to know more. Adolescents, who are testing their independence
and limits, will have concerns different from those of a 5-year-old who
needs parents for basic caregiving.
All children need the following basic information:
- the name of the cancer, such as breast cancer or lymphoma
- the part of the body where the cancer is
- how it will be treated
- how their own lives will be affected
First, set up a quiet time when you won't be disturbed. You
may wish to talk to each child alone, depending on their ages, so that
information can be tailored to what the child can understand. This can
also help the parent pay closer attention to how each child responds.
The child may also feel less hesitant to ask questions when away from
the other children and potential distractions. Be sure you have time to
answer questions and a plan to manage possible interruptions before you
start. If you stop to answer the phone, turn off the stove, or let the
dog out when your child is opening up to you, the child may find it
more painful to try again.
It helps to plan how you will talk with each child. Think
about what you want to say and how to answer questions on a level each
child can understand, but in a serious and thoughtful way. You are
trying to lay the groundwork for an open line of communication with the
child--a way for the child to come to you with their concerns, needs,
and fears. If you can start this and keep it going by regularly
checking in with each child during and after your cancer treatment, it
can be a great comfort to them.
Young children (up to age 8) can be told that the body is made
up of lots of different parts. When someone has cancer, it means that
something has gone wrong with these parts and it's stopped doing what
it's supposed to do. Part of the body is no longer normal. Over time, a
tumor or lump has developed, or a bunch of bad cells started to grow
(in the case of leukemia and lymphomas). The tumor (or the bad cells)
should not be there. Because cancer can keep growing in other parts of
a person's body, the person needs treatment to either take out the
tumor or stop it from spreading to other places. Some kids may not have
any questions at first, but invite them to ask you later if they think
of any. Older children (in general, ages 8 and up) may be able to
understand a more complex discussion. They may want to see pictures of
cancer cells or read about cancer treatment. Again, encourage them to
ask questions that occur to them later.
Besides the illness itself, children have other worries about
the cancer. The most common of these is that something they did or
didn't do may have caused the parent's illness. While we know this
isn't true, most children believe this at some point during the cancer
experience. Parents know that children engage in "magical thinking."
They believe they are the center of the world and that they can make
all kinds of things happen. Children can also believe that bad things
happen because they have been angry with their mom or dad. So when a
parent gets sick, children often feel guilty and think they are to
blame for the cancer. Kids usually won't tell you this, so it's a good
idea to reassure them about it. Parents can say something like, "The
doctors have told us that no one can cause someone else to get cancer
-- it's nothing that any of us made happen." It's better not to wait to
see if children bring this up because they may be feeling guilty
without saying so.
Other things children worry about are that cancer is
contagious and they can catch it, that everyone dies from it, or that
the other parent will get it, too. It's a good idea to correct these
ideas before the child has a chance to worry. Kids can become confused
about how people get sick. A common worry is that cancer can be passed
from one person to another, like a cold. Parents can explain that
cancer is a different kind of illness and the child doesn't have to
worry that someone passed it on to Mom or Dad or that they will get it.
Parents should also say that it would be very unusual for the other
parent to get sick. They may want to tell their children that, years
ago, people often died from cancer because doctors didn't know much
about how to treat it. Many advances have now been made and the outlook
for many cancers is much more hopeful. Now, people can live with cancer
instead of dying from it.
So along with the basic facts about your cancer noted above,
be sure to stress that
- no one caused the parent to get cancer (it's not the
child's fault)
- you can't catch cancer like a cold or the flu -- it's OK to
hug or kiss the person with cancer
- the family will work together to cope with cancer and its
treatment
- even though the sick parent may not have as much time with
them, the children are loved and will be taken care of while the parent
is sick
You may need to make these points more than once. More
important, the parent and other adults in the child's life can serve as
examples and remind the child of these things too. Children pick up on
small cues in how you and others act around them, so if they notice
adults don't hug the sick parent like they used to, a child may worry.
Or if adults are in a hurry and don't speak as kindly to the children
as they once did, the children may think the adults are mad at them or
blame them in some way for their parent's illness.
Children also need to understand some basic terms about
cancer. We have defined some of the more common words in the section
"Words to describe cancer and its treatment."
Should I expect my child to be upset?
Some children may become very upset when learning about a new
cancer diagnosis, while others may act as if nothing is wrong. The goal
is to give the child a balanced point of view. The child should realize
that cancer is a serious -- but not hopeless -- illness.
A child's emotional reaction to this news will depend on many
things, including how the information is presented and the child's
experience with illness. It is important for parents to choose a time
when they are feeling fairly calm to talk to their children. In a
2-parent household, it's a good idea for parents to talk to their
children together. For single parents, it may help to ask an adult
relative or friend who is a stable, consistent influence in the child's
life to be with them if they're feeling a bit shaky about the talk. If
people are feeling upset or unsure about what to say, it might be
better to wait until their emotions are a bit more under control. That
is not to say that parents need to pretend that there is nothing to
worry about. It is OK if their kids see them crying sometimes. Parents
can admit that this is an upsetting time, that cancer is a scary
disease and that it's OK to have strong feelings about it. But that
doesn't mean that the family won't be able to handle it.
Sometimes parents worry about showing pain or negative
emotions in front of their children. They may worry this will scare the
children. Or they may fear that negative feelings will somehow affect
their child's ability to cope with the illness. In the media and from
others, you often get advice to keep a "positive attitude." For the
most part, feeling positive is a good way to approach life. But when
people try to deny the very real feelings of fear and sadness, which
are a part of any cancer diagnosis, the effort often just doesn't work.
The energy it takes to hold in "bad" feelings can sometimes make coping
much harder. For many people, a grieving process starts with a cancer
diagnosis. It is normal to be sad and upset after being told you have
cancer. It often feels as if nothing will ever be the same. Patients
grieve for the loss of safety and predictability in their lives, and
for the future that may not turn out as planned. But when they face
these feelings, it is much easier for them to work on having a positive
mindset about the challenges ahead.
No one wants to alarm their children by being hysterical. But
there is nothing wrong with shedding a few tears when the family has a
crisis. Parents can tell their kids that there will be times when they
will need to cry, because that can help them feel better. Parents can
assure them that at some point they will no longer need to cry about
the situation, but it's OK to express all of their feelings, angry or
sad. Everyone deals with problems in a different way. It is important
for parents to give themselves permission and time to figure out what
is best for them and each family member.
If other family members have died from cancer in the past,
children may assume that will happen again. It may help for parents to
explain that there are more than 100 different kinds of cancer, and
that there are many kinds of treatments. They need to know that all
patients respond differently to treatment and have different outcomes
for the future. Make sure kids understand that each person is
different, and just because Grandpa died 5 years ago doesn't mean the
same thing will happen now. Cancer treatment changes from year to year
and better treatments are being tested all the time. Even though no one
can predict the future, people are approaching cancer treatment with
new hope.
Are there certain responses that I should
expect?
Every child is different
Each child responds in his or her own way to the news of a
parent's cancer diagnosis. The child's age, personality, relationship
to the parent, and the way information is presented are just a few
factors that can influence how a child will react. Parents know their
kids better than anyone else and can expect their children to react in
ways that are typical of their personalities. For instance, a child who
is very dependent may become even more so during that crisis of a new
cancer diagnosis. A child who always imagines the worst may do so now.
A child who plays rough with his toys when upset may get even rougher.
Children can't always tell you, but they
often show you how they feel
Children are often unable to express how they are feeling in
words. Most parents get an idea about what is going on with their kids
by watching how they act. So, a parent who sees their kids fighting
with each other more now can probably assume that this is their way of
showing they're upset. Parents can put this into words by saying
something like, "I know everybody is more worried right now, but let's
talk about this instead of fighting."
A child may act less mature when upset
In general, parents can expect that the stage of a child's
development dictates how well he or she understands what is going on.
Children tend to regress (act younger) when they are under stress.
Adults often do the same. A child who has just become toilet trained
may start having accidents. A child who has gone off to kindergarten
quite happily may become upset when they have to be away from the
parent. Kids who have problems paying attention in school may have even
more trouble than before.
Children blame themselves
Children often blame themselves when something goes wrong.
This is because children normally see themselves as the center of the
universe. This often happens in kids of divorcing parents -- kids think
they must have done something to cause the break-up. The same thing
happens with illness. Children wonder if they are to blame. It is best
to address this before the child asks about it, because children
usually don't ask. Self-blame can be harmful to the child.
The child's level of trust will show up in
their behavior
In most cases, children who are truthfully told what's
happening from the very start will have less anxiety than children
whose parents try to avoid answering questions. Being honest with your
children during this time can help build trust. This doesn't mean you
should tell them everything all at once. Especially for younger
children, it's best to give out the information in small doses, ask
them if they have questions, and then answer their questions. If you
don't know the answer to a question, tell them you will have to find
out, and then get back to them. You can keep them up to date as events
progress.
Cancer treatment will bring out new and
different responses from children
Telling children about your cancer diagnosis is different from
helping them deal with the daily reality of treatment. As you get ready
to move into cancer treatment, you will want to get our information Helping Children when a Family
Member Has Cancer: Dealing with Treatment. You
can read it on our Web site, or you can call and ask for a copy. It has
helpful tips and information about talking with children of different
ages about your cancer and its treatment.
What if my child asks if I'm going to die?
The question, "Are you going to die?" causes the most distress
for families. It is a good idea to rehearse how you are going to
respond to this, either with someone else or just to yourself. There
are some things you should know before you decide how to answer this
question. First, admit to yourself that this is a scary question for
you as well as your family. It is a hard question for children to ask,
and they may never have the courage to ask it outright. But the
question does need to be answered -- even if it's not asked. Whether
you openly talk about it or not, you can be sure that your family
members are worrying and thinking about death. We share some ideas in
this section for ways you can respond to questions about death.
There is usually no way to know at first if a person will die
from cancer. The answer to the question depends on the type of cancer,
where it is in the body, and the patient's response to treatment. Even
for cancers with a very poor outlook, a person's response to treatment
can vary. Cancer is a chronic disease, not always a deadly one. People
can live with cancer for many years -- even those cancers which may
over time cause death, For most people, this means they will deal with
the real chance of death from the cancer at some time in the future. In
the meantime, the family's focus now must be on how to live with
cancer. For cancers that have already spread to other parts of the body
(metastasized), parents will need to be direct and give children
information based on each child's age and stage of development.
So, if a child asks if the parent will die from the cancer,
there are a number of different ways to answer. Here are some examples
of what other parents have said:
- Sometimes people do die from cancer. I'm not expecting that
to happen because the doctors have told me they have very good
treatments these days, and my type of cancer usually does go away with
treatment.
- The doctors have told me that my chances of being cured are
very good. I'm going to believe that until I have reason to believe
something else. I hope you can believe that too. I'll tell you if I
find out anything new or different.
- There is no way to know right now what's going to happen.
I'll know more after the first treatments are finished. When I know
more, I'll be sure to tell you.
- There is not a lot known right now about the kind of cancer
I have. But I'm going to give it my best shot and do everything I can
to get well.
- My cancer is a hard one to treat but I'm going to do
everything I can to get better. No one can know right now what will
happen down the road. What you can be sure of is that I'll be honest
with you about what is going on. If you can't stop worrying, please
tell me so that we can work on that together.
Clearly, what people tell their children depends on how they
understand their type of cancer and its potential outcome. Even with an
uncertain future, patients still need to work on what they must do to
live with their illness. Children need to do the same. No matter what
words are used, one of the most important things for parents to get
across is their desire to tell the truth. This does not mean that
parents should tell their kids everything they know as soon as they
know it. It means that children should be given truthful information
when they need to have it in order to cope well. A parent might say,
for example, "I don't want you to worry about the future at this point.
Let's think about what's going on right now. If that should change, I
promise you I will tell you. I will always try to tell you the truth. I
want you to ask me any questions you have and I'll do my best to answer
them."
How can I reassure my child that everything
will be fine?
Parents probably cannot offer the kind of overall reassurance
they would like to when they first learn they have cancer. This is
because no one really knows at that point how they will respond to
treatment and that everything really will be OK. In spite of this,
there are
things that parents can do to help their kids cope. Parents can
reassure children that no matter what, they will always be cared for.
If the parent is feeling sick, they will arrange for someone else to
fill in. The most important issue for children of any age is their own
sense of security and safety. Children depend on their parents for
their basic physical and emotional needs. A parent's cancer can make
families feel that their lives are totally out of control.
During this time it is important to realize that the entire
family is likely to feel anxious and unsettled. The person with cancer
will make trips to the clinic or hospital, their partner may take time
off from work, daily household life will change, and family members
will feel -- and show -- all kinds of emotions. In spite of all this,
parents should try to keep as much of their children's lives the same
as possible. This may sound like a tall order, but it is usually
possible to reorganize family routines at least for a short time.
In talking about your diagnosis and treatment, it is a good
idea to prepare children for the fact that certain changes will need to
be made in the family routine. Parents will need to call on others to
fill in for them during periods of active treatment. Maybe a relative
will be moving in for a while to help out if a parent needs to be in
the hospital. Maybe the sick parent has friends who have offered to
take turns preparing meals for the family. A relative or friend may
volunteer to pick a child up from school or take the child to sports
practice or music lessons. Take people up on their offers to help out
and try to find the support you and your kids will need at this time.
Loved ones, friends, neighbors, and even the parents of your children's
friends can be a great help in keeping daily life as normal as it can
be.
When these changes in family routines are explained to
children, they offer a powerful message that Mom or Dad is still in
charge and the child's needs have not been forgotten. Life will go on
as normally as possible given the crisis the family is facing. The
child will not be left on his own. Parents should confirm that no one
is happy that life seems turned upside down right now, but it will not
last forever. In the meantime, tell children over and over again you
love them and that you are working to be sure they are cared for.
Sometimes kids react strongly to changes in routine. Parents
may feel frustrated and even angry as they try to meet everyone's
needs. Keep in mind that it is no one's fault when a parent gets cancer
and nothing can be done change this. But people have choices about how
to handle the situation. Find something in the situation that the child
has a choice about, for example whom they would like to meet at the
school bus, or what they would like to wear when they go to a
neighbor's after school. Don't spend endless time discussing issues --
sometimes that's just the way things have to be at the moment. Children
are not expected to like it when their routines are disrupted -- adults
don't like it either. Parents can admit this to their children, along
with the fact that they have a right to feel angry and upset right now.
Although parents can't fix the situation, they should be concerned
about how their kids are feeling.
Children's needs will vary depending on the age of the child
and how available others are to help. Young children have basic
survival needs and are more dependent on parents to feel secure and
safe. Teens present special challenges because they tend to test their
need for independence. But it makes sense to ask them to be there to
fill in more for an absent or ill parent. Sometimes there may be a fine
line between asking for help from a teenager and giving them too much
responsibility for the household. Parents may need to recognize their
teenager's normal desire for independence. It can help to assure them
that you know they need their own time and space in spite of the fact
that a parent is ill. It may also help to set up family meetings in
which parents and children can review how things are going in the
family and decide what should be different or stay the same.
Some families may find it hard to ask for help. The family may
not be living together, or they may have had tension or conflicts. We
know from experience that people who try to manage cancer alone will
have a hard time. Try to remember that usually people really do want to
help, and if you let them, they feel useful and needed. But you will
need to tell them exactly what you and your family need from them. If
no one is available to help, patients or their families should ask to
talk with the hospital social worker or the nurse in the doctor's
office about any community agencies that can help.
How will I know if my child needs extra
help?
Deciding if your child needs help can be confusing as parents
try to sort out what is a "normal" response to a new cancer diagnosis
and what is not. This is new to all of you, and it will take some time
to figure out what works best for you and your family. But while you
are learning for the first time how your children react to cancer, you
already have experience with how they deal with other stressful events.
Most parents can tell exactly how each of their kids acts when they are
upset. Because children, especially young ones, are often unable to
talk about how they feel, they show us by their behavior. Some children
will become withdrawn, while others may fight, whine, and complain. The
most important thing to look for is how extreme the change is and how
long it lasts.
Depression in children can look different than depression in
adults. For instance, a common sign of depression in a child is a
change in behavior, like suddenly getting poor grades in school or
losing friends. Most children whose parent has cancer seem able to
cope, but there may be times when it gets to be too much. If a child
seems to be having trouble, it may mean a more serious problem than a
normal, sad response to cancer. Extra help is needed if a child:
- is unable to handle the feelings of sadness
- feels sad all the time
- cannot be comforted
- admits to thinking of suicide
- feels extra irritable
- becomes very angry very quickly
- has changing grades
- withdraws or isolates himself or herself
- acts very different than usual
- has appetite changes
- has low energy
- shows less interest in activities
- has trouble concentrating
- cries a lot
- has trouble sleeping
When a child shows 1 or 2 of these symptoms, it may help to
offer more support. But if the usual methods of handling these problems
are not working, or if the problem goes on for more than 1 or 2 weeks,
the child may need special help. (For more serious problems, such as if
the child is planning to hurt himself or herself, urgent help is
needed.) It may be useful to talk with the child's pediatrician, school
counselor, or with the social worker or counseling staff at the
hospital where the parent is being treated. Since these experts know
how other children have reacted to illness in the family, they may be
able to offer a useful way of looking at the problem. They can evaluate
the child and make sure that any needed help is given. Rarely, a child
may need to see a psychiatrist for medicines or counseling.
Words to describe cancer and its treatment
Here are a few words about cancer that your family might need
to know. You may want to explain them in a family meeting, so that all
the children (and adults) know what you mean when you use these words.
Be sure to check to find out if there are other words they've been
hearing that they don't understand. Also tell them who they should ask
if they hear other words they don't know. Older children can look up
some of the words for themselves, but know that some of the more
specialized medical terms may not be in a regular dictionary.
Benign
(be-nine):
not cancer (see also cancer,
malignant).
Biopsy
(by-op-see):
A procedure that removes a piece of tissue from a person's body so that
a doctor can look at it under a microscope. This test is used to see if
a person has cancer and if so, what kind it is (see also tissue.)
Cancer:
A name for the more than 100 diseases in which cells that are not
normal grow and divide rapidly. These abnormal cells usually develop
into a tumor (mass or lump). Cancer can also spread to other parts of
the body from where it started. Certain kinds of cancers can grow in
places like the bone marrow, where they don't make a tumor.
Chemotherapy
(key-mo-THER-uh-pee); also
called chemo:
Treatment that uses drugs to kill cancer cells. Common side effects of
chemo include short-term hair loss, nausea and vomiting, mouth sores,
feeling tired (fatigue), and a greater chance of getting infections.
The kind of side effects a person has depends on the drugs they are
getting. All chemo drugs do not cause the same side effects.
Clinical trials:
Research studies that are set up to compare new cancer treatments with
the standard or usual treatments.
Fatigue
(fuh-teeg):
a common symptom during cancer treatment, a bone-weary exhaustion that
doesn’t get better with rest. For some, this can last for
some time after treatment.
Malignant
(muh-lig-nunt):
Another word for cancer.
Metastasis
(meh-tass-tuh-sis):
The spread of cancer from one part of the body to another. The plural
is metastases
(meh-tass-tuh-sees).
Oncologist
(on-call-uh-jist):
A doctor who specializes in treating cancer. There are medical,
surgical, and radiation oncologists.
Prognosis
(prog-no-sis):
A prediction of the course of disease; the outlook for the chances of
survival.
Protocol
(pro-tuh-call):
A detailed, standard plan that doctors follow when treating cancer
patients.
Radiation therapy:
Treatment of cancer with high-energy rays to kill cancer cells. This
treatment is given by a machine or by materials put in or near the
body. The side effects of radiation therapy usually show up in the part
of the body being treated. For example: reddening of the skin where the
radiation is given, hair loss if the head is being treated, nausea if
the stomach is being treated, and trouble swallowing and eating if the
head and neck area is being radiated. Tiredness (fatigue) is the most
common side effect of radiation.
Recurrence:
The return of cancer cells and signs of cancer after a remission.
Relapse:
The same as recurrence.
Remission:
The disappearance of cancer symptoms and cells as a result of
treatment.
Side effects:
Problems caused by cancer treatments. Two people with the same cancer
and even the same treatments may not have the same side effects. Your
doctor can tell you what happens to most people, but cannot say for
certain what will happen to you. Not having side effects does not mean
that the treatment is not working. Tell your children what the doctor
has told you, and promise to tell them if you start to feel the effects
of the treatment.
Surgery:
A procedure done by a doctor who is an expert in doing operations.
Tissue
(tish-u): a
collection of cells that work together to perform a certain job or
function in the body. Different parts of the body, such as the skin,
lungs, liver, or nerves can be called tissue. Tissue can be cancerous
or normal. Doctors often biopsy tissue in a certain area to find out if
it has cancer cells in it. (See also malignant, benign, biopsy.)
Tumor:
An abnormal mass of tissue. Some tumors are cancer and some are not.
There will be other words that apply to your or your family
member's treatment that your child may want to learn. You can learn
more about these words and what they mean on www.cancer.org or call us
at 1-800-227-2345. You can also learn more about the type of cancer
that you are dealing with, and ask your own questions.
Additional resources
More information from your American Cancer
Society
We have selected some related information that may also be
helpful to you. These materials may be ordered from our toll-free
number, 1-800-227-2345.
- It Helps to Have Friends When Mom or Dad Has Cancer
Books from your American Cancer Society
The following books are available from the American Cancer
Society. Call us at 1-800-227-2345 to ask about costs or to place your
order.
National organizations and Web sites*
Cancer Really
Sucks
An internet-only resource designed for teenagers by teenagers who have
loved ones facing cancer
Web site: www.cancerreallysucks.org
Cancercare for
Kids
Especially for children with a parent, sibling, or other family member
who has cancer
Toll-free number: 1-800-813-HOPE (4673)
Web site: www.cancercareforkids.org
Kids Konnected
For children and teenagers who have a parent with cancer and for those
who have lost a parent to cancer
Toll-free number: 1-800-899-2866 (If you get voicemail, leave message
to receive a return call within 24 hours.)
Web site: www.kidskonnected.org
Kidscope
Has special online materials, a comic book for children about
chemotherapy and another item about breast cancer in the family
Telephone: 404-892-1437 (voicemail is only checked once per week)
Web site: www.kidscope.org
National Cancer
Institute
To learn more about cancer, or to get special information for teens;
you can call to order a special booklet for teens whose parents have
cancer or read it online at: www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/when-your-parent-has-cancer-guide-for-teens
Toll-free number: 1-800-422-6237
Web site: www.cancer.gov
Other publications*
Books for adults
Can I Still
Kiss You? Answering Your Children's Questions About Cancer
by Neil Russell. Published by HCI, 2001
Helping Your
Children Cope With Your Cancer: A Guide for Parents by
Peter Van Dernoot and Madelyn Case. Published by Hatherleigh Press,
2002
How to Help
Children Through a Parent's Serious Illness by Kathleen
McCue and Ron Bonn. Published by St. Martin's Press, 1996
Life and Loss:
A Guide to Help Grieving Children by Linda Goldman.
Published by Taylor and Francis Group, 2nd Edition, 1999
When a Parent
Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children by Wendy
S. Harpham. Published by HarperCollins, Publishers, 2001
When Someone in
Your Family Has Cancer. National Cancer Institute,
1-800-4-CANCER or www.cancer.gov
Books for children
Becky and the
Worry Cup, by Wendy Harpham. Published by HarperCollins,
1997. Best for ages around 5 to 10. (Sold with When a Parent Has Cancer,
by the same author.)
In Mommy's
Garden: A Book to Help Explain Cancer to Young Children by
Neyal J Ammary. Published by Canyon Beach Visual Communications, 2004.
Best for very young children. Also available in Spanish.
Lost and Found:
A Kid's Book for Living Through Loss by Marc Gellman and
Debbie Tilley. Published by HarperCollins, 1999. Best for ages around 9
to 12.
My Mommy Has
Cancer by Carolyn S. Parkinson. Published by Solace
Publishers, 1991. Best for ages around 4 to 7.
Sammy's Mommy
Has Cancer (Books to Help Children) by Sherry Kohlenberg,
Published by Gareth Stevens Publishers, 1994. Best for ages around 4 to
7
The Paper Chain
by Claire Blake, Eliza Blanchard, and Kathy Parkinson. Published by
Health Press, 1998. Best for ages around 4 to 9.
The Year My
Mother Was Bald by Ann Speltz and Kate Sternberg.
Published by American Psychological Association, 2002; Best for ages
around 9 to 12.
Tickles
Tabitha's Cancer - Tankerous Mommy by Amelia Frahm.
Published by Hutchinson,
Nutcracker Publishing Company, 2001. Best for around ages 4 to 7.
Vanishing
Cookies: Doing OK When a Parent Has Cancer by Michelle B.
Goodman, Published by Michelle B. Goodman, 1991. Best for ages around 9
to 12.
Videos for children and adults
We Can Cope:
Helping Parents Help Children When a Parent Has Cancer.
DVD has sections for teens, younger children, and parents, as well as a
guidebook on how to use it. Check your cancer treatment center library
or call Inflexxion at 1-800-848-3895, extension 276 (try extension 201
if no response from 276) to find out how to buy it. (Cost is $99.95 so
you may want to try to borrow it or buy a used copy.)
Kids Tell Kids
WhatIit's Like When Their Mother or Father has Cancer.
Children talk about coping with their parents' cancer; best watched as
a family, to help kids and parents talk about cancer's effects in their
lives. Check your cancer center treatment library or buy DVD from
www.cancervive.org (cost: $40.00 new)
*Inclusion on
this list does not imply endorsement by the American Cancer Society.
No matter who you are, we can help. Contact us anytime, day or
night, for information and support. Call us at 1-800-ACS-2345 (1-800-227-2345) or
visit cancer.org.
References
Christ GH, Christ AE. Current approaches to helping children
cope with a parent's terminal illness.
CA Cancer J Clin.
2006 Jul-Aug;56(4):197-212. Full text available at:
http://caonline.amcancersoc.org/cgi/content/full/56/4/197
Harpham WS. When
a Parent Has Cancer: A guide to caring for your children.
New York: HarperCollins 2004.
National Cancer Institute. Pediatric supportive care (PDQ®).
Accessed at:
www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/pediatric/HealthProfessional
on April 2, 2009.
National Cancer Institute: When Someone In Your Family Has
Cancer. Accessed at:
www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/when-someone-in-your-family/page1 on April
2, 2009.
Welch AS, Wadsworth ME, Compas BE. Adjustment of children and
adolescents to parental cancer. Parents' and children's perspectives. Cancer. 1996 Apr
1;77(7):1409-1418.
Last Medical Review: 05/07/2009
Last Revised: 05/07/2009
|
