When you are first diagnosed with cancer, most people go through a period of emotional turmoil, which includes feelings of anxiety, sadness, grief, and fear for the future. You may have questions about why this has happened to you; what does your life really mean; what about a higher power; worries about your job, money, insurance; and other practical matters. Over time, as you move through cancer treatment, you begin to figure out how to address these concerns.

If you have close relationships with other family members or friends, they will play a part in helping you cope with cancer and its problems. If things stay unsettled or you find yourself feeling sad much of the time, or if you feel unable to make even small decisions, it may help to talk with a counselor. The normal process is to feel more capable of meeting the challenges of the cancer diagnosis and treatment as you go along. Normally, you will begin to feel you can handle your treatment as well as the issues of other family members. But if you have constant feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and fear you may need outside help. Trying to tough it out can waste time and energy. Getting the help that you need can put you back on course much more quickly.

Family members have their own issues as a result of your illness. In a marriage or long-term relationship, cancer happens to the couple, not just the patient. Sometimes couples have trouble talking about cancer and its many issues. Often this is because couples tend to protect each other, but in the long run, this can become a communication barrier. Even with the best intentions, each person can feel alone or abandoned instead of supported. Family members are often angry about the cancer but find it hard to talk about that to the person with cancer because they do not want to seem to blame the innocent victim. With help, couples learn how to talk about their feelings without hurting each other.

If you seem to be talking about the same issue over and over and over again, you may be stuck. It might be helpful to talk with a third party to get another view on how you can move forward and support each other.

Single parents or couples with problems that started before the cancer may be even more stressed by the demands of the illness. Single people will need even more support from friends or extended family members. A single parent may want to talk with a cancer counselor or join a support group to meet others who are dealing with the same issues.

With troubled marriages or other relationships, you are often forced to look at and deal with the old problems in order to heal and recover and move on to cope with cancer and its treatment. Dealing with cancer along with a troubled relationship is more stressful than most people can manage alone. Sometimes people worry that relationship problems or unresolved conflict will interfere with their getting well. There is no evidence that stress causes cancer or decreases your response to treatment. But worry and pressure will affect your emotional responses and make life even harder than it has to be.

Go back to Helping Children When A Family Member Has Cancer: Understanding Psychosocial Support Services.

Last Medical Review: 05/28/2009
Last Revised: 05/28/2009