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| The Newcomer's Experience In a Support Group |
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Groups have rules. Regardless of the type of support group selected, confidentiality is crucial to the success of any group. The group decides if they are allowed to share information outside the group or not. Most groups will decide the information shared in the group must stay within the group. If that is the group decision, members immediately begin to feel more comfortable that the information shared will not be discussed anywhere else. Having cancer means that information shared will often be intimate in nature. Talking about your body or your relationship requires openness and courage. Knowing the information is treated with respect and not shared outside the group helps that process.
If this line of privacy is violated, the group members must address it within the group. Participants must be assured their confidences will be maintained. The group may decide, however, that it is okay for group members to discuss their issues with each other between actual group sessions.
Another group rule might be that the discussion must remain calm, and there can be no arguing or yelling. While not a common problem, it may be helpful to know there is a group rule about this.
There may be rules about attendance, makeup of the group, gender and stage of the cancer experience. The group may agree to run over the time or stick strictly to the time limit.
Every group is different. Every group is different because people are different. Some groups tend to avoid topics that are emotional in nature. Some groups focus exclusively on emotional issues. Another group might use humor as a major way of interacting within the group. Groups actually begin to take on personality characteristics of the individual group members. Some group members will be shy and have a difficult time talking. Another group member may seem to monopolize the group's time. You may feel an instant connection to group members or feel that you have little in common with them. If a group doesn't seem to fit you, find one that will.
It is the group leader's job to make sure the group runs smoothly and that the group participants are getting their needs met. However, even as a group member you could assist with the group interaction. You might ask a silent member how they feel about something. You can even say to the talkative group member, "I'd like to hear how some other people feel about that." Groups differ in size also. If there are less than 4 members in the group, it may not provide the variety of experiences you want. If there are more than 10 members, it may be more difficult to form the relationships and to get individual time.
Expect the unexpected. The group members may have vastly different experiences with their illness even though on the surface they seem to have much in common. Some stories that circulate through a support group may be upsetting to certain members of the group. If you feel more upset than helped by a group, it may be time to find another group or try the group another time. You may not be ready to listen to other's experiences, but instead need to focus on your own needs.
Group leaders are different. Group leaders are people too. So, their leadership style, personality, organizational skills and ability to connect may differ greatly between individuals. Your group leader should be friendly yet professional. It would be helpful to know if the group leader has led other groups in the past. The group leader makes sure the group members interact appropriately in a supportive way and that everyone who wants to share is able to do so. The group leader should not talk too much or certainly not share too much about his/her personal life. The group should be focused on the group members, not the leader. If you do not feel comfortable or safe with the group leader for some reason, either discuss your concerns with him/her, or simply try another group. The group leader needs to communicate clearly and openly the group rules, schedule, and how the group will begin and end. If the group gets off a topic into a nonproductive conversation, the group leader moves the group back to a more suitable discussion.
There are common themes in support groups. Cancer support groups have themes that come up again and again. Some emotional themes are: anger, fear of dying, pain, loss, denial, depression, guilt, hope and spiritual concerns. Personal issues like marital relationships, family problems, sexual concerns, feeling dependent on others, feeling lonely, and how to talk with people in your life about your cancer are other common topics. Concrete issues like treatment side effects, pain, finances and time restraints are other areas of discussion.
Revision Date: 3/29/01
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