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Ideally, the bereaved person will work through the process of
grieving. With time and support, they will accept and make sense of the
loss, experience the pain, and adapt to a new life and identity.
If you or someone you know has lost a loved one, the following
suggestions may help you cope with the loss:
- Let yourself feel the pain and all the other emotions as
well. Don't tell yourself how to feel or let others tell you how you
should feel.
- Be patient with the process. Don't pressure yourself with
expectations. Accept that you need to experience your pain, your
emotions, and your own way of healing -- all in your own time. Don't
judge your emotions or compare yourself to others. Remember that no one
else can tell you how you should mourn and when to stop.
- Express your feelings. Let yourself cry. Both are needed
for healing.
- Get support. Talk about your loss, your memories, and your
experience of the life and death of your loved one. Do not think you
are protecting your family and friends by not expressing your sadness.
Ask others for what you need. Find and talk to others who have lost a
loved one.
- Try to maintain your normal lifestyle. Avoid major life
changes (for example, moving, changing jobs, changing important
relationships) within the first year of bereavement. This will allow
you to keep your roots and some sense of security.
- Take care of yourself: eat well and exercise. Physical
activity is a good way to release tension. Allow yourself small
physical pleasures that help you renew yourself, like hot baths, naps,
and favorite foods.
- Avoid drinking too much alcohol or using other drugs. This
can harm your body as well as dull your emotions. It is likely to slow
your recovery and may cause new problems.
- Forgive yourself for all the things you said or didn't say
or do. Compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others is important
in healing.
- Give yourself a break from grief. Although you must work
through grief, you do not need to focus on it all the time. It is
healthy to find distractions like going to a movie, dinner, or a ball
game; reading a good book; listening to music; or getting a massage or
manicure.
- Prepare for holidays and anniversaries knowing that strong
feelings may come back. Decide if you want to keep certain traditions
or create new ones. Plan in advance how you want to spend your time and
with whom. Do something to honor the memory of your loved one.
- Join a bereavement support group. Other people can
encourage, guide, and comfort you. They can also offer practical
suggestions and information, and help you feel less alone. If you can't
find a group near you, online groups may be helpful.
- When you feel ready, do something creative. Some options
include:
- write a letter to the person who died to say everything you
wish you could say to them
- start keeping a journal
- make a scrapbook
- paint pictures
- plant flowers or trees
- involve yourself in a cause or activity that the deceased
loved
Last Medical Review: 01/17/2009
Last Revised: 01/17/2009
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