ACS :: For the Person Who Has Cancer

People facing cancer often find themselves facing the possibility of their own death. At first, some people focus on dying from cancer instead of living with cancer. As one woman explained, just after she was diagnosed with lung cancer she isolated herself from her family and spent a lot of time alone in her room. Before long, she realized the cancer wasn't going to go away on its own. She decided that she could either keep pulling the covers over her head or she could tackle cancer the way she did her other challenges. This adjustment in thinking takes time.

With the stress cancer causes, it is important that you take care of yourself--the whole person--not just the cancer. Some people may want to become more "in tune" with themselves, or just do things that take their mind off the disease. Do what you need to do. Physical activities such as walking, dancing, and yoga can improve your sense of well-being and make you more aware of your body. Poetry, music, drawing, and reading are also creative ways to express yourself and keep your mind off cancer. Meditation and relaxation training can help with anxiety and symptom control. Taking on a new and challenging activity can give you a sense of accomplishment, as well as help reduce stress.

Let your doctor know if you are thinking about trying an alternative or unproven treatment. There are many herbs, supplements, or treatments that claim to cure or treat cancer. Some of these treatments are harmless, while others clearly have been shown to be harmful. Also know that some of these treatments can interact with other medicines you may be taking and can cause unexpected effects. Talk to your health care team before starting anything new.

Taking care of yourself also means accepting help from others. When a person is diagnosed with cancer, he or she may need to ask for and accept help for the first time ever. This can include help from friends and family or outside help. Asking for help does not mean you are a weak person. Arranging transportation to and from treatment, getting medical equipment to use at home, hiring a home health aide, or finding someone to watch the children while you are being treated are just a few of the many tasks that may need to be done. Handling all of these changes along with your regular responsibilities can be stressful. To manage well, you often need help..

Cancer and its treatment can cause physical changes. Some people feel insecure about how these changes affect their body and their self-image. Surgery can change the way you look. Other treatments can affect how you feel. Side effects from cancer treatment, such as weight loss or weight gain, fatigue, hair loss, and skin changes can also change the way you look. Partners, family members, and friends can help their loved one work through their feelings about these changes by offering their love, support, and understanding. It takes time for people with cancer to adjust to the way they feel about themselves and how they look.

The type of treatment, the drugs and their dosages, and the schedule of treatment all have an impact on the side effects a person may have. Just how bad the side effects are can vary from person to person. The same treatments may cause side effects in some people and not in others. Be sure to let your doctor and nurse know which side effects you have, if any, and how bad they are. Your health care team can help manage side effects when they know how treatment is affecting you physically and emotionally. Sometimes cancer treatments cause more illness or discomfort than the cancer itself. Ask your doctor what side effects you should expect and which side effects you need to report right away. You also need to know how to get in touch with your doctor after regular office hours if needed.

Some people find it hard to be positive and hopeful when their treatment makes them feel bad. People with cancer can become frustrated when they do everything right but it does not help, or when treatment must be delayed because their body is unable to handle any more. Sometimes these changes in your mood are caused by certain medicines, while other times they may be part of the stress of coping with cancer and treatment. It is normal to have ups and downs during cancer treatment.

Body changes from cancer treatment can range from hair loss to the loss of a limb. These kinds of changes can be difficult to handle because others can see them. Many people who lose hair choose to wear scarves, wigs, or hats. Some people choose artificial limbs (prostheses) and reconstructive surgery after cancer surgery. Both short- and long-term solutions like these draw less attention to or hide a person's physical differences.

When making difficult decisions, it can be helpful to talk with others who have had the same type of reconstructive surgery or wear the same type of prosthesis. Ask your surgeon if he or she is able to share photographs that show actual results of reconstructive surgery.

Check with your health insurance company about coverage for reconstructive surgery or prostheses. If you do not have health insurance, your hospital social worker may be able to help you find other ways to pay for it . Insurance coverage can be limited either by dollar amount or the number of prostheses (that is, mastectomy bras and breast forms) you can purchase in a certain amount of time.

Personal traits, such as a person's sense of humor, attitudes, honesty, and spirit, are a large part of what makes someone attractive to their partner. Cancer treatment may seem to change these qualities, but the change is usually short-term. It is important to remember those traits are still there, but for the moment may be overshadowed by the cancer experience.

Some people fear physical intimacy because they think they can get cancer from their partner, or they are afraid they will hurt their partner. Cancer is not contagious--you cannot catch it from someone. A person cannot pass their cancer to their partner through sexual intercourse. In some cases, you may be told to not have sexual intercourse for a short period of time, for example, when a person is recovering from certain types of surgery or when they are more likely to get infections. Ask the doctor if you need to take any precautions based on the treatment your partner will receive. And talk with your partner about your concerns about causing pain or discomfort. While he or she may not feel like having sex for a time, cuddling, holding hands, and other gentle forms of touch are ways to show your love.

It is very important to talk with your doctor about fertility and birth control issues before you begin treatment. Many cancer treatments can result in infertility or sterility, but these side effects may be avoided if measures are taken before you start therapy. You should use birth control during cancer treatment because some treatments can have harmful effects on a developing fetus. Even when sterility is a possible side effect of treatment, an effective method of birth control should be used. It is not safe to get pregnant during most cancer treatments.

Side effects of cancer treatment can also affect a person's sexuality. Some side effects that can do this are fatigue, lack of desire, and feeling physically unattractive. Women may have vaginal dryness, and men may notice the inability to have or maintain an erection. Physical side effects, such as fatigue and nausea, can decrease a person's desire to have intimate contact with his or her partner. Fear, anxiety, or depression can affect your sexuality, too. These side effects, like most other physical and emotional side effects, can be often managed or helped with treatment. Although you may feel embarrassed, it is important to talk to your doctor about them.

Changes in the way you look can affect your feelings about your sexual appeal. As a result, you may feel as if you are no longer sexually attractive. Although sexual intimacy is one way to express love for someone, there are other ways to express this feeling.

When physical intimacy becomes possible, let your partner know what is comfortable for you and when you feel up to it. Your partner may want to give you the space and time you need to adjust to changes in your body and self-image. Your partner may not want to rush you or seem to be insensitive, so it helps if you tell them of your desire for physical contact. Be specific about what you want. Physical contact other than sexual intercourse, such as hugging, kissing, and touching over time may help you feel more comfortable about being intimate.

If you are single when you are diagnosed and recovering from cancer, you may be unsure about how and when to tell a new romantic interest. Only you know if and when you trust someone enough to share this part of you. Telling someone early in a relationship or later on, it is up to you. You may find it helps to practice what you will say with someone else before saying it to your new partner.

Some people are afraid their partner will avoid physical contact with them. Others may fear their partner will leave them or find someone else. If there were problems in the relationship before a cancer diagnosis, they will still be there after the cancer diagnosis. Likewise, if a couple works through problems well, chances are good they will face this challenge in much the same way. When a couple communicates with one another, they can usually work toward resolving their feelings and the added stress that cancer can place on a relationship.

Facing cancer as a couple can also strengthen a relationship. Cancer can help people realize what is really important to them. Priorities or problems they once saw as important may now seem less important or smaller.

It is not unusual for people with cancer to withdraw from their partners when they have changes in their body and self-image. People with cancer who have changes that affect their sexuality want to know their partners still care for them and are still attracted to them. As a partner of someone with cancer, there are several ways you can convey these feelings. Talk about your feelings and let the person with cancer talk about changes in their sexuality, body image, and self-image.

People who are not able to get support from their partners can find support elsewhere, such as through counseling, a support group, or friends. Counseling can help explore ways to improve communication and resolve problems in relationships. For those who are unable to work through these issues alone, professional counseling for individuals or couples is an option. Support groups that are offered by licensed or trained professionals may also be a source of practical advice and ideas about coping with changes in sexuality. Groups are available for people with cancer, for partners/spouses, and for couples.

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