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What if the person with cancer acts as if
nothing is wrong?
Be aware that your loved one may put up a false front, or on a
"happy face," even if he or she doesn't really feel that way. This may
be their way to try to protect the people they love, and possibly
themselves, from painful feelings. And some people believe that a
person with cancer can improve their outcome by being cheerful and
happy all the time.
Studies of coping styles and survival or recurrence show that
being cheerful has little to no effect on cancer. But some people with
cancer feel guilty for being sad or fearful, and may try to act happy
and "be positive" even when it is painful to them. (See our document Attitudes and Cancer
for more information.)
If you think that this is happening, gently tell the person
that you are willing to listen to their feelings, no matter what they
are. The message may be something like, "I care for you, and I am here
for you whether you are happy, afraid, angry, or sad."
Support from loved ones and the cancer team
can help
It may help to know that patients with more social support
tend to feel less anxious and depressed and have a better quality of
life. People with cancer find it encouraging to have others who listen
and help with the practical aspects of dealing with cancer. Asking
family members and loved ones for this kind of support may help reduce
your distress as well as the patient’s.
Being able to talk with the cancer care team about medical
fears, concerns about pain, and other issues may also help the patient
feel more comfortable. You or someone who is close to the patient might
offer to go with (or take) them to the doctor. Your being with them may
have a calming effect, and you might be able to help the person
remember symptoms or problems that need to be addressed. The doctor and
cancer care team can answer questions and talk about any concerns you
or your loved one have. They can also refer your loved one to a mental
health professional if needed.
When to call the doctor
Going through a wide range of emotions is a normal part of
coping with cancer. But some things should not be ignored. If your
loved one has any of these problems, please call the doctor right away:
- has thoughts of suicide (or of hurting himself or herself)
- is unable to eat or sleep
- lacks interest in usual activities for many days
- is unable to find pleasure in anything
- has emotions that interfere with daily activities and last
more than a few days
- is sweating more than usual
- has new or unusual symptoms that cause concern
There is no doubt that cancer changes people's lives. The
emotional stress it causes can be overwhelming, but no one has to
manage it alone. Your loved one's health care team may seem focused on
his or her physical health, but they care about emotional health, too.
Keep them involved in and aware of what your loved one is feeling and
doing. Learn about and use the resources available to you. Coping with
cancer is stressful, but you don't have to do it alone.
Last Medical Review: 08/17/2009
Last Revised: 08/17/2009
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