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How can I be supportive?
Remember that your co-worker may find it hard to ask for help,
or to appear vulnerable. Telling a person, "You're so brave" or "You're
so strong" can put pressure on them to act strong when they may not
feel up to it. Families can put subtle pressure on people with cancer
by expecting or needing them to be strong all the time. In that case,
you might play an important role for your co-worker. Your co-worker may
know you well and trust you enough to confide in you, yet you don't
have the emotional attachment and expectations of a family member. This
kind of relationship can be a great gift for a person facing cancer.
It's human nature to distance yourself from someone when they
become ill. Cancer forces us to confront our own fears about illness,
weakness, or death. This may make us reluctant to interact with a
co-worker facing cancer. But isolation can be a problem for people with
cancer. Make an extra effort to reach out.
When your co-worker returns to work, you might want to welcome
them back by leaving something on their desk such as a card, a cookie
or muffin, a flower, or some other token to let them know people have
missed them. It is certainly appropriate to invite your co-worker out
to lunch when they return, either for a celebration, or just for a
break from the routine. This may also serve as a signal that you are
not uncomfortable around them.
If your co-worker needs medical equipment or money for
treatment, you can look into getting something donated or organize a
raffle to help raise money. Or you can simply take up a collection to
buy something they need that might not be covered by insurance.
Your co-worker may look to you for advice regarding financial
worries, work issues, or other concerns. Be honest. Help if you can,
but if you feel uncomfortable, say so. There are many places a person
can get help and support, and you might suggest that they seek the
advice of a professional who is best suited to give that kind of
guidance. For more information, please see our document, Financial Guidance for Cancer
Survivors and Their Families: How to Find a Financial Professional
Sensitive to Cancer Issues.
What are some concrete ways I can help?
Communication is the key. Talk regularly with your co-worker
about how she can best manage her workload and illness. You can
encourage her to maintain as normal a routine as possible, while
protecting yourself from taking on a too-heavy workload by helping.
Offer to help your co-worker set realistic expectations about work
during the course of this illness. Continue to treat her as normally as
possible. Include her in regular meetings, memos, and social events.
Don't feel that you always have to talk about cancer. If she isn't up
to doing something, let her make the decision to say no.
Ask your colleague what he or she could use; let them tell you
what would be most helpful. Offer to help in specific ways, rather than
saying, "Call me if I can help." Here are some suggestions:
- Send or prepare a meal. Arrange a schedule of meal
delivery.
- Offer to help with child care. Arrange a schedule of day
care pickups.
- Give your co-worker a ride to and from treatment
appointments.
- Donate sick or vacation time.
- Offer to take their phone calls if they are feeling tired
and need to rest.
- Offer to do some of their work during absences so work
won't pile up.
- Appoint a person at work who can give information about how
the person is doing and serve as the contact person for the staff in
the workplace and the patient and family.
- Coordinate visits by groups from work, or coordinate
sending cards, flowers, or gifts.
- Honor your colleague by making contributions to related
charities, organizing blood drives, or making special efforts in his or
her name.
- Offer to do some research on their unanswered cancer
questions, or refer them to the American Cancer Society at
1-800-227-2345.
- If the person agrees, plan a party when treatment is
finished, or at anniversary dates. Always check with the person before
making party plans, including showing them the list of those invited.
Are there resources available to help?
Employee assistance programs are a good resource for both the
person with cancer and co-workers. If your co-worker seems to be very
upset, you might suggest this as an option. The first few consultations
may be very inexpensive, and some cost the employee nothing.
Cancer support groups are also an excellent resource for
dealing with a cancer diagnosis and treatment. The American Cancer
Society can refer you to groups in your area.
For other staff in your workplace, on-site support groups or
education programs can help them manage stress and increase
understanding. Even a meeting to focus on managing feelings and work
issues can be very helpful. If you have stress management resources or
techniques in place, it is important to use them during this time.
Last Medical Review: 06/30/2009
Last Revised: 06/30/2009
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