Here are some points to keep in mind as you continue your sex life during or after cancer treatment.

Learn as much as you can about the effects your cancer treatment may have on sexuality. Talk with your doctor, nurse, or any other member of your health care team. When you know what to expect, you can plan how you might handle those issues.

Keep in mind that, no matter what kind of cancer treatment you have, you will still be able to feel pleasure from touching. Few cancer treatments (other than those affecting some areas of the brain or spinal cord) damage the nerves and muscles involved in feeling pleasure from touch and reaching orgasm. For example, women whose vaginas are painfully tight or dry can often reach orgasm through stroking of their breasts and outer genitals. For people with cancer, sexual touching is often a satisfying experience. Pleasure and satisfaction are possible even if some aspects of sexuality have changed.

Try to keep an open mind about ways to feel sexual pleasure. Some couples have a narrow view of what is normal in sex. If both partners cannot reach orgasm through or during penetration, they feel cheated. But for people treated for cancer there may be times when intercourse is not possible.

Those times can be a chance to learn new ways to give and receive sexual pleasure. You and your partner can help each other reach orgasm through touching and stroking. At times, just cuddling can be pleasurable. You could also continue to enjoy touching yourself. Do not deny yourself just because your usual routine has been changed.

Try to have clear, 2-way talks about sex with your partner and with your doctor, too. If you are too embarrassed to ask your doctor whether or not you can have sex, you may never find out. Talk to your doctor about sex, and tell your partner what you learn. Otherwise, your partner may be afraid that sex might hurt you. Good communication is the key to adjusting your sexual routine when cancer changes your body. If you feel weak or tired and want your partner to take a more active role in touching you, say so. If some part of your body is tender or sore, you can guide your partner's touches to create the most pleasure and avoid pain.

Boost your self-esteem. Remind yourself about your good qualities. If you lose your hair, you may choose to wear a wig, hat, or scarf if it makes you feel more comfortable. Some women prefer to wear nothing on their head. Do whatever makes you feel good about yourself. You may wear a breast form (prosthesis) if you have had a breast removed. Eating right and exercising can help keep your body strong and your spirits up. Practice relaxation techniques, and get professional help if you think you are depressed.

Last Medical Review: 11/10/2008
Last Revised: 11/10/2008