|
People vary a great deal in their sexual attitudes and
practices. This makes it hard to define "normal." Some couples like to
have sex daily. For others, once a month is enough. Many people see
oral sex (using the mouth or tongue) as a normal part of sex, but some
believe it is not OK. "Normal" for you and your partner is whatever
gives you pleasure together. Both partners should agree on how to make
their sex life happy.
It is normal for some people with cancer to lose interest in
sex at times. Doubts and fears, along with cancer and cancer treatment,
can make you feel less than your best. At times, concern about your
health may be much greater than your interest in sex. But once you
return to your normal routines, your interest in sex may begin to
return.
It is also normal to be interested in sex all of your life.
This is an important point because most cancers are more common in
people over 50. But there are some who think sex is only for the young,
and that older people lose both their desire for sex and their ability
to "perform." These beliefs are largely myths. Many men and women can
and do remain sexually active until the end of life. No one should ever
have to apologize for still having an interest in sex at my age. (See
the "Additional
resources" section for more on sex and aging.)
What is normal isn't always what the media has led us to
expect. And the media is a strong influence on our ideas about normal
sexuality. Since the 1960s, books, music, TV, movies, and magazines
have become more open about sex. For the most part, this has probably
helped American adults learn more and talk more about sex. But the
media has also promoted some ideas of "good sex" that don't match real
life for most people. Men might think they should have instant
erections. Women may feel they've failed if they don't reach orgasm at
least every time they have sex. If you find yourself feeling
inadequate, remember that the only true measure of your worth as a
lover is the pleasure you and your partner find together.
It is true that sexual response and function may change with
aging. For example, women may notice changes as they get older,
sometimes even before menopause begins. A decrease in sexual desire and
problems with vaginal dryness may worsen during and after menopause.
Men also have changes in their sexual function as they get
older. More than half of men over age 40 have at least a little trouble
with erections. The problem often worsens as men age. For instance,
among men who are 40 to 49, about 3 in 10 have some problem with
erections (erectile
dysfunction or ED). In groups of men aged 70 and older,
nearly 9 in 10 are having some problem with erections.
For some older men the problem is severe. Sometimes, the
problem centers around anxiety, tension, or other problems in a
relationship. But more often, it is a medical condition, or drugs the
man takes to treat medical conditions, that cause or worsen sexual
problems.
Besides age, there are some other risk factors for erectile
dysfunction, including:
- smoking
- diabetes
- heart and blood vessel disease
- certain blood pressure medicines and anti-depressant
medicines
We now have medicines, therapy, surgery, and other treatments
that can help men and their partners deal with most kinds problems they
may have. If you want to keep your sex life active, you can very likely
do so.
If you are in a relationship and one of you has a sexual
problem, it affects both of you. If you are dealing with sexual
problems, it works best when your partner can be part of the solution.
But even when sex becomes difficult, such as during a serious illness,
the physical expression of caring remains an important way of sharing
closeness.
Last Medical Review: 02/02/2009
Last Revised: 02/02/2009
|
