Being included in the information and education process and feeling that everyone has a role helps family members, especially children, comprehend the physical and emotional challenges of the cancer experience, feel more in control and provide support where it counts.

• Rather than avoiding difficult questions such as "Will you die?" answer these kinds of questions honestly but as optimistically as the situation allows. You might say, for example, "This is a serious illness, but we are getting the best possible treatment and the doctor thinks I am responding very well." Emphasize your determination to confront whatever happens together as a family.
• From age 2 to 7, children think very concretely, so use concrete terms when discussing your breast cancer. For example, you might say, "Mommy is sick and her medicine is making her hair fall out." Since children this age are egocentric and may think they caused the breast cancer somehow, be sure to reassure them that they had no impact on the illness.
• By age 7 to 11 or 12, children can begin to solve problems. You might want to ask for their input into resolving the home management issues that develop when a family deals with an illness. This involvement may provide children with a much-needed sense of usefulness.
• Adolescent children can understand what is happening, so you may be tempted to share extensive information with them. Limiting their increased responsibility and continuing to allow them normal activities will be helpful to maintaining their development. Since adolescents can be exquisitely sensitive to feeling and being different, minimize the differences in their lives due to breast cancer. This will make the situation easier on them.
• You may want to ask a social worker, school counselor or other parents in your position how they have explained cancer to children that are your youngsters? ages.

• Tell your child?s teachers about your breast cancer so they can be alert to problems that might crop up in school as a result. Kids who had problems in school prior to the illness are likely to have a difficult time now. Counseling may help children manage their feelings without harming their school performance or friendships. Keep in mind that withdrawal from peer relationships sometimes indicates depression.
• Children of all ages may have trouble sleeping or have nightmares, lose their appetites, develop physical complaints, become unusually quiet or fearful and/or begin to fail at tasks at which they are usually successful.

• Any significant changes in children?s behavior that persist for more than a couple of weeks may be warning signs that they are having difficulty. If children start talking about wanting to die or if they suddenly give away favorite possessions, seek help from a mental health professional immediately.

• Additional attention from parents may be all that young children need to adjust to the situation. Talk to them, try to get them to verbalize their feelings and always express your love. Remember that kids need to know that the parent who is not ill will always be there to take care of them.
• When children?s problems persist or are destructive to the parent or to others, parents or other responsible adults must intervene. Always try to determine the children?s understanding of the illness. Despite your best attempts, children ? even older children ? may have imagined a situation that is deeply disturbing to them.
• Talking to the school guidance counselor or seeking help through the social work department at your hospital or through other resources can relieve the pressure on you when your own capacity to cope with your children?s reactions is limited. Ask about support groups specifically for children of parents with cancer.