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People going through cancer treatments need to take special care of themselves through the holidays, which can be stressful even in the best of times. "Use your treatment as permission to be sane over the holidays," advises Joy Fincannon, R.N., M.S., a Cancer Society editor with certification in oncology and psychiatry.
The following suggestions aim to help people with cancer preserve their energy, capture a little holiday joy, and deepen their personal relationships.
Set lower expectations. Don’t worry about decorating the house, baking, or buying gifts for everyone in your life. Remind yourself, “This is temporary. For a short period, I can let that go, and it’s OK.”
Let other people do things for you. Delegate tasks and errands to others, who may be looking for a concrete way to help.
Rest each day. Many people experience fatigue during cancer treatment and need to find the right balance of rest and activities.
Its also OK to allow yourself some depression, some pity, and then go on. Fincannon says, a pity party for a day or two is OK, but two weeks could be a sign of clinical depression. The rate of depression among cancer patients is 15%24%, about twice that in the general population. So if a person in treatment doesn't care about getting out of bed, or is physically unable to get up, it could be clinical depression rather than fatigue, and should be discussed with a doctor.
Decide not to isolate yourself during the holiday. Find a way to be festive, such as choosing a few close friends for a small, manageable dinner party. Make it a potluck supper where everyone brings a dish, so you won’t have to do all the work.
Make no apologies If you need to retire early or skip a gathering with hyper grandchildren, do so without regret or an elaborate explanation. "I don't feel up to it," should suffice.
The taste will come back later. Food doesn’t taste right to many people in treatment, and rich, holiday dishes can intensify feelings of nausea. Focus on family, friends and spirituality now and look forward to enjoying meals at the next holiday, when treatment will be over.
“People around the cancer patient always want to feed that person,” says Fincannon. “Food represents life and celebration,” she adds. But love and friendship can easily be the main holiday focus for people with cancer.
Don’t center the holiday around the cancer. Others may need to help the person in treatment see past his or her illness to capture the joy and excitement of the holidays.While it is impossible to ignore the fact that you are dealing with cancer, it does not have to be the main course the entire holiday.
Talking About Your Illness
Decide how to talk about your illness. People around you still have their own problems and issues. Consider each person's capabilities and give them as much information as they need about your illness, but not more than they can handle.
Do let people get close to you. You’re fighting a life-threatening battle, which makes you emotionally vulnerable. If you share these feelings, and spend extra time over the holidays with family members, you will be rewarded with deeper personal relationships.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to enjoy this holiday.” For the most part, it’s best to address people’s questions about survival up front. State your intentions to enjoy the moment, or look forward to a better holiday next year.
Keep children informed. Children very much need to know about your illness and what’s likely to happen, since they often think it may somehow be their fault. It’s best to explain things to children promptly and privately. The ACS Book, Cancer in the Family offers guidance about what support children need at different ages and how to answer difficult questions.
Parents should keep kids’ routines as close to normal as possible. If they always see their grandparents during the winter holidays, but the family can’t travel because of a parent’s cancer treatment, perhaps the grandparents can come to see the children
If the financial burden of cancer treatment makes money tight, ask others to buy a few small gifts for the children, so their holidays are as normal as possible
Spiritual growth doesn’t require you to be physically fit. Dip into a book of short inspirational thoughts; attend a religious service. Finding spiritual meaning in the holidays is helpful, regardless of whether you meditate, belong to a religious organization, or read philosophy.
Posted: 12/05
Additional Resources
Coping With Physical and Emotional Changes
For the Person Who Has Cancer
Coping with Grief and Loss
Couples Confronting Cancer
Family Changes
Talking to Children about Death
Supporting Patients
Concrete Ways to Help the Person With Cancer
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