One of the most important ways to help communication is not only to ask "How are you feeling?" but also "What are you feeling?" If you think about it, "How are you?" is one of the most common questions we ask, but it can be a rather thoughtless one. The expected response is "Fine" or "Good." It doesn't allow for much discussion. When you ask, "What are you feeling?" you are digging a little deeper. Someone who is asked that question will get the impression you want to know how he really is doing.

When you ask the question, "What are you feeling?" be prepared to hear anything. The person could say he thinks a lot about death or he is worried about what the future holds for his children. Or maybe he is afraid he will not survive a year. Be ready to really listen and hear the answer he gives you. You do not have to have a reply, but you must be ready to hear the pain or harsh thoughts that the question might provoke.

People with cancer sometimes like to get the opinions of those closest to them about their illness, treatment, and treatment outlook. Be open and honest, but don't try to answer questions that you don't know the answers to. The person with cancer will sense your honesty and appreciate it. If you want to know more about this, please see our document called When Someone You Know Has Cancer. 

Last Medical Review: 08/20/2009
Last Revised: 08/20/2009