Rekindling sexual interest

Every now and then we all have sexual thoughts or feelings, but sometimes we ignore or forget about them. Your sexual thoughts can be used to improve your sex life. Try keeping a “Desire Diary.” Here’s how:

• Every day for a week prepare a sheet of paper that will become your Desire Diary. Take it with you wherever you go. When you have a sexual thought or feeling, write it down. Note the time of day and whether you were alone or with someone. Also note what you did about the thought.
• Look at your Desire Diary to see if there are any patterns, such as certain settings, people, or times of the day that help you feel more sexual.
• Once you have noted some patterns, you can begin putting yourself in the situations that spark a sexual mood, such as exercising, planning a relaxed evening out with your partner, making a special effort to look and feel sexy, reading a steamy story with sex, watching a movie with a romantic or sexual plot, or fantasizing about a sexual encounter.
• Get your partner’s help at some point. Discuss any fears either of you has about your sexual relationship. If you have questions about medical risks, you and your partner should discuss them with your doctor.

An example of one man’s Desire Diary is shown below. Although the man did not have any sexual activity, he felt desire a few times during the day. Sometimes just keeping track of your desire will increase the number of sexual thoughts and feelings that you notice.

If these efforts fail to spark your sexual interest, think about getting some sexual counseling. The “Professional help” section offers some ideas.