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Saying goodbye to a loved one at the end of their life is not easy. Many people aren’t sure what to say and may not want to deal with the fact that their loved one is dying.
It can be hard to know when to say goodbye and it can depend on:
If able and if time allows, people often use this time to gather loved ones to say goodbye. But sometimes death happens quickly or a loved one is out of town or traveling. This can limit the time to say goodbye.
If they can be together, family may take turns with the person who is dying, holding their hands, sharing good memories, or just sitting quietly. Some caregivers and family members may feel the need to stay busy by making meals or doing chores. This can also be a time for any religious or cultural rituals and other desired activities before death. It’s a chance for many families and friends to express their love and support for each other. The key is to be reassuring and honest, and to speak from the heart.
Here are some hints that may help you in this difficult time.
The American Cancer Society medical and editorial content team
Our team is made up of doctors and oncology certified nurses with deep knowledge of cancer care as well as editors and translators with extensive experience in medical writing.
Caswell G, Wilson E, Turner N, Pollock K. 'It's Not Like in the Films': Bereaved People's Experiences of the Deathbed Vigil [published online ahead of print, 2022 Oct 14]. Omega (Westport). 2022;302228221133413.
Cancer Council Australia. Facing End of Life. July 2023. 1-84. Accessed October 11, 2023 at https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Facing-End-of-Life-2023.pdf.
Fanjul L. Anticipatory Grief: Preparing for a Loved One's End of Life. Cancercare.org. Accessed at https://www.cancercare.org/publications/385-anticipatory_grief_preparing_for_a_loved_one_s_end_of_life on October 30, 2023.
Jolley C. Palliative care. In: Eggert JA, Byar KL & Parks LS, ed. Cancer Basics. Oncology Nursing Society; 2022: 263-276.
Keeley MP. Family communication at the end of life. Behavioral Science; 2017; 7(3):45.
National Cancer Institute. End-of-life Care for People Who Have Cancer. cancer.gov. Accessed at https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/advanced-cancer/care-choices/care-fact-sheet on September 11, 2023.
National Cancer Institute. Grief, Bereavement, and Coping with Loss (PDQ) – Health Professional Version. Cancer.gov. Accessed at https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/advanced-cancer/caregivers/planning/bereavement-hp-pdq#_164 on October 30, 2023.
Last Revised: December 19, 2023
American Cancer Society medical information is copyrighted material. For reprint requests, please see our Content Usage Policy.
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