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Working through grief can be hard, but there are things that can help. This includes some steps you can take on your own and others that will need support from other people.
If you have lost a loved one, the following tips might be helpful :
Family members, friends, support groups, community organizations, or mental health professionals (therapists or counselors) all might be able to help as you resolve your grief.
Talk with them about your loss, your memories, and your experience of the life and death of your loved one. Don’t think you are protecting your family and friends by not expressing your sadness. Ask others for what you need.
Join a bereavement support group.
Being with other people who have lost a loved one can help you feel less alone. They can offer practical advice and information. Many hospices, hospitals, and community organizations have these types of support groups. If you can’t find a group near you, online groups may be helpful.
Bereavement or grief counseling helps people cope with the loss of a loved one. It gives people a safe place to get in touch with, share and work to accept and resolve the emotions that can come with grief. This counseling can also help people learn how to live their lives without their loved one.
Bereavement care is offered through hospices for up to 13 months. If your loved one wasn’t in hospice, check with your cancer care or palliative care provider for help.
When a loved one dies, it affects all their family members and loved ones. Each family finds its own ways of coping with death. A family’s reactions are affected by their cultural and spiritual values as well as by the relationships among family members. It takes time for a bereaved family to recover.
Families need to grieve together as well as each member on their own to help the family cope. Each person will have different needs. Family members should try to be open and honest with each other. This is not the time for family members to hide their feelings to try and protect one another.
The loss of one person in a family means that roles in the family will change. Family members will need to talk about the effects of this change and how things will work going forward. This is a time to be even more gentle and patient with each other.
Losing a child may be the hardest thing a parent ever has to go through. People who have lost a child have stronger grief reactions. They often have more anger, guilt, physical symptoms, greater depression, and feel a loss of meaning and purpose in life. A loss is tragic at any age, but the sense of unfairness of a life unfulfilled can make the anger and rage parents feel even stronger.
A longer and slower grief process should be expected when someone loses a child. The grief may worsen with time as the parents see other children grow and do things their child never will.
Bereaved parents especially may be helped by a grief support group. These groups may be available in the local community. You can ask your child’s cancer care team for referral to counseling or local groups.
Many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. You may not know what to say or do. The following tips may be helpful.
If the grieving person begins to abuse alcohol or drugs, doesn’t take care of themselves, becomes ill, or talks about suicide, it may be a sign of complicated grief or depression. Talk to them about getting professional help.
If you believe someone is thinking about suicide, don’t leave them alone. Try to get the person to get help from their doctor or the nearest hospital emergency room right away. If that’s not possible, call 911. If you can safely do so, remove firearms and other tools for suicide.
The American Cancer Society medical and editorial content team
Our team is made up of doctors and oncology certified nurses with deep knowledge of cancer care as well as editors and translators with extensive experience in medical writing.
American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO). Grief and loss. Accessed at cancer.net. Content is no longer available.
Hospice Foundation of America. What is grief? Hospicefoundation.org. Accessed at https://hospicefoundation.org/Grief-(1)/What-to-Expect on November 20, 2023.
Mental Health America (MHA). Coping with loss: Bereavement and grief. Accessed at https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/coping-loss-bereavement-and-grief on November 14, 2023.
National Cancer Institute. Grief, bereavement, and coping with loss (PDQ®). Accessed https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/advanced-cancer/caregivers/planning/bereavement-hp-pdq on November 14, 2023.
National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. Bereavement care. caringinfo.org. Accessed at https://www.caringinfo.org/types-of-care/bereavement-care/ on November 14, 2023.
Tofthagen CS, Kip K, Witt A, McMillan SC. Complicated grief: Risk factors, interventions, and resources for oncology nurses. Clin J Oncol Nurs. 2017; 21(3):331-337.
Last Revised: December 19, 2023
American Cancer Society medical information is copyrighted material. For reprint requests, please see our Content Usage Policy.
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