How to Support the Parents of a Child with Cancer

Published on: September 26, 2025

Caring for a child with cancer can be unimaginably hard on parents. Watching someone you love go through this experience may leave you wondering how to help or even what to say.

“Cancer is frightening for anybody, and even more so when it happens to a child. Recognizing our own fears about cancer can give us the strength to be as present as possible for that family,” said Daniel Mulrooney, MD, MS, an American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO) expert and pediatric oncologist at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

Ways to help

You can support the parents of a child with cancer whether you are a friend, neighbor, colleague, or extended family member. Tailor your offers of help based on your relationship with the parents. Some parents may appreciate help with transportation or during times when they need to rest. Some may prefer help at home with chores or errands. And many will need emotional and mental health support at different times.

“Patients and families come in all shapes and sizes, and there are thousands of ways to support people going through this disease,” said Paula Kim, a patient advocate who offers her time and voice to support people facing cancer.

Try starting with these simple but meaningful actions:

Listen. In difficult times, people often need a kind ear. Let them talk if they feel like it, without judgment. Sometimes you may not even need to respond. Listening is also a great way to get clues about how you can help.

Take something off their plate. Life doesn’t stop when your child is diagnosed with cancer. While parents are making major medical decisions, traveling to treatments, and often enduring long hospital stays, they may still need to go to work, manage their households, care for other children, and take care of their own health.

Asking a parent what they need can be a great approach to finding ways to help. Sometimes, though, parents may be too busy or exhausted to know what to ask for. In that case, you can offer to lend a hand with daily tasks, such as:

Drop off a home-cooked dinner. If the parent agrees, work with other friends and family to schedule regular meal deliveries.
Send gift cards to a local grocery store or restaurant.
Mow or weed the yard or shovel the sidewalk or driveway.
Offer the other children in the family homework help, rides, or activities.
Deliver toiletries or favorite snacks to the hospital.

Be proactive and specific in your offer to help. “It’s common to say, ‘Let me know if you need anything.’ But a lot of people find it hard to ask for help. My advice has always been: Don’t ask questions, just do it. They’re going to be grateful,” Kim said.

Tell the parents exactly how you plan to help. For example, “I can let the dog out while you’re at the doctor tomorrow.”

You don’t need to wait for parents to reach out. Offering assistance with simple tasks like these can reduce the mental load for a family navigating a health crisis. While most people appreciate the help, it’s important not to be too insistent or ask too frequently. Take cues from the family about whether this is the type of support they need.

Act as a messenger. Parents often use email, social media, or online tools to share health updates about their child. If you’re close with the family, volunteer to post news, monitor for questions that people in their community have asked, and coordinate support on their behalf.

Start a fundraiser. Cancer treatment is expensive and can come with additional costs like transportation, lodging, and extra childcare. If you sense the family is struggling financially, ask permission to set up a donation fund. Contributing money can be a tangible way for others to show support, especially if they don’t live nearby or know the family well. Be sure to use trusted fundraising options and to involve the parents in order to avoid scams that can take advantage of their situation.

Make it easy. Sometimes good intentions become too much and actually burden the family. Keep things as simple as possible for them. For instance, provide a meal that is already pre-portioned or frozen for later. If the parents aren’t expecting you to stop by, leave nonperishable items by their door, then text to let them know.

What to say

You’re not alone if you don’t know what to say, even if you’ve known the family for a long time. Remember, expressions of genuine concern and compassion are always welcome. Kim and Dr. Mulrooney suggest these words of encouragement for parents of a child with cancer:

“This must be a difficult time for you.”
“I’m holding you all in my thoughts.”
“I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this.”
“How are you doing today?”
“I’m not quite sure what to say, but I want to help.”

What not to say

Some messages are less helpful for a parent whose child has cancer, including:

“I know what you’re going through.” Unless you’ve had a child with cancer, it’s unlikely you understand what the parents are thinking and feeling.
“Everything happens for a reason” or “Stay positive.” Steer clear of cliches that are often overused.
“You’ll beat this.” Be cautious about using “battle” language to describe a person’s cancer journey. These terms can have different meanings for different people.
“It’s in God’s hands.” It’s best to avoid religious messages unless you’re confident you understand the family’s beliefs.
“You’re so brave.” Parents may think they need to always appear strong even when they feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
“It’s going to be OK.” Unfortunately, no one knows what the outcome will be.

Remember that “the child’s care plan is between the family and their health care team,” Kim said.

Be careful not to give parents unsolicited advice. This includes telling stories of other people’s cancer journeys to compare to theirs, as well as topics like diet and herbal supplements and unproven or unapproved therapies. Don’t offer opinions unless the family asks and you are an expert who is qualified to answer their questions.

Afraid you accidentally said the wrong thing? The best thing to do is to be honest and admit it, Dr. Mulrooney recommended.

Supporting parents for the long term

Support for the family tends to surge when a child is first diagnosed with cancer. But childhood cancer can be a long journey, with many ups and downs. Treatment can last for several months or even years, along with appointments and tests. Keep checking in with the parents from time to time, even after treatment ends.

“The most important thing is not to pull back. Families feel it if you disappear from their life,” Dr. Mulrooney said. “There may be nothing you can truly do. But your notes, emails, texts, and calls let the parents know you’re still there for them.”

Learn more about supporting caregivers from the American Cancer Society:

Dr. Mulrooney is a member of ASCO’s Patient Information Editorial Board.