Helping Your Child Adjust to a Cancer Diagnosis

• Offer choices when appropriate.
• Maintain your parenting styles and expectations.
• Encourage open communication about feelings.
• Talk about treatment side effects they may be experiencing so that they can be managed.
• Be respectful of your child’s privacy. Discuss what will and won’t be shared with others about their diagnosis and treatment. If you must share something your child disagrees with, explain why it’s important to share this information.

• Keep them connected with friends and family.
• Check for school services during hospital stays.
• Include playtime and distractions during hospital visits.
• Plan their return to school and activities.

• Seek support from specialists like child life specialists, psychologists, and social workers.
• Explore support therapies like pet, music, and art therapy.
• Look for cancer-related camp programs and support groups.

Children don’t understand cancer and illness when they are this young, but they understand changes in routines and negative emotions. They rely on you to be fed, changed, and feel safe. They might:

• Fear being separated from parents
• Become upset during medical procedures
• Withdraw or cling to parents
• Miss developmental milestones
• Have anxiety around strangers

Ways you can help

• Be nearby during procedures and tests when possible.
• Reassure them if they’re afraid of strangers or medical staff.
• Encourage play to build relationships with staff that will care for them often.
• If your child needs to go without food for a test or procedure, ask about scheduling procedures early in the morning to lessen the disruption to your normal routine.
• Continue routines, when possible, such as bedtime, bath routines, rocking, and singing.
• Create new routines when needed.

Toddlers and preschoolers may know the names of some illnesses, but they do not know what it all means. At this age, children might:

• Express emotions through yelling, tantrums, or regressing
• Fear medical procedures
• React to a loss of control or change in routines
• Enjoy reward systems like sticker charts
• Ask a lot of questions

Ways you can help

• Tell them the name of their cancer and simple facts about treatment.
• Answer questions with examples or through play with dolls or play medical equipment.
• Reassure them that they didn’t do anything wrong to cause the cancer.
• Explain it’s not something they can catch or give to their siblings or friends.
• Ask follow-up questions to see what they understand and what might need more discussion.

At this age, children likely understand the seriousness of cancer, but often only from stories they’ve heard about grandparents, friends, or on TV. They might:

• Feel upset about disruptions to school and missing friends
• Show anger and sadness
• Worry about causing the cancer
• Worry that the cancer is contagious
• Seek emotional support from family and friends

Ways you can help

A few things can make a big difference for your child.

Talk openly about their diagnosis and treatment decisions

• Ask them what they already know about cancer.
• Share the name of their cancer and how it’s treated.
• Talk through what to expect and why a test or procedure needs to be done to help ease worries about pain.
• Address concerns about life and death.
• Depending on treatment, you might need to make decisions about fertility preservation. Your cancer care team can help with these conversations.

Help them process emotions

• Reassure them that they didn’t do anything to cause the cancer.
• Be open to questions about changes in how they might look during treatment.
• If a child does not feel comfortable talking with you about their feelings, encourage them to talk to their cancer care team, friends, or family.
• Reading, playing, drawing, art, and music can help kids express or process emotions.

A cancer diagnosis during the teenage years can be especially challenging. In a time of early self-discovery, responsibility, and independence, having cancer adds a layer of stress and uncertainty. Teenagers can handle more complex information about their cancer than younger children, but they may still struggle emotionally.

Learn more about how cancer and cancer treatment can affect adolescents and young adults.

Teenagers may:

• Get upset about the disruptions to their lives
• Have concerns about changes in how they look
• Mourn a loss of independence
• Show intense emotions
• Question their identity and belonging
• Engage in risky behaviors or rebel

Ways you can help

Here are ways you can support your teen during this time.

Respect their independence

• Let them choose who communicates about their diagnosis or treatment, or when they take medications.
• Allow teens privacy when possible.
• Involve them in treatment discussions and decisions.
• Encourage them to maintain their own self-care routines, such as grooming, bathing, and dressing.

Help them stay connected

• Encourage them to connect with peers who also have cancer.
• Social media can help decrease feelings of loneliness or sadness. However, encourage them to be cautious about who they talk with and what they share online.

Support their well-being

• When your child is feeling well, encourage movement, such as a short walk outside.
• Support good sleep habits and rest during treatment.
• Art, dance, music, making videos, blogging, and writing can be helpful creative outlets.

Parents may not realize how much their child understands about death. They want to protect their child from stress or worry. But avoiding this topic can make a child feel alone. It can also make them think death is something shameful that they shouldn’t talk about. When we don’t talk about death, children will imagine their own answers. This happens to everyone when they don’t have all the information. Talking to your child about death isn’t easy, but it might do more harm not to talk about it.

Many studies have shown that children who were given information about their diagnosis and prognosis had less anxiety, depression, distress, and social problems compared to those who did not know this information. Parents also reported that one of the benefits of talking about death with their child was that it reduced their child’s fears.

Older kids and teens are often familiar with cancer from personal experience or from what they’ve seen in movies and the news. They might remember a relative who died from cancer. Whatever their experience, it’s important to be honest and hopeful.

Here are some things you might say:

• Many kids with cancer get better. Most children with cancer do well with treatment because many people have worked hard to find better ways to treat it.
• Sometimes kids die from cancer, but we are not expecting that to happen to you. The doctors have good treatment for the kind of cancer you have. If anything changes, I promise to tell you the truth.
• Your cancer is tough to treat, but there are lots of things we can do to help you get better. We might not know for sure what will happen in the future, but we have lots of ways to make you feel better today and to make time for things you like to do. I’ll tell you if I find out anything new or different.
• If you’re worried about anything, please talk to me. We can figure things out together. It’s normal for us both to feel worried sometimes but talking about it might help.
• What are your thoughts about death and dying? Let me know what questions you have, and I will do my best to answer them.

It’s OK to feel hesitant to talk to your child about death and dying. You might consider working with a counselor, social worker, child life specialist, or pediatric palliative care services to help you have these conversations with your child. They can help your child understand what’s going on and ease fears they may have. Remember that you don’t have to do this alone. There is support for you and your child.

If your child’s condition isn’t getting better with treatment or if cancer has come back, and your child asks about dying, it’s a good idea to talk to your cancer care team. Having open and honest communication about the goals of treatment and what comes next can help you and your child cope.

Remember, your cancer care team is here to support both you and your child. They can help you prepare for and work through these conversations if your child is worried about dying from cancer.