How to Cope if Your Child Has Cancer

Learning that your child has cancer is one of the hardest moments for a parent or caregiver to go through. In an instant, both your life and your child’s life changed. You may have many emotions.

While it can be easy to focus your energy only on your child and the details of treatment, it is important to care for yourself physically and mentally during this time.

These ideas and resources might help parents and caregivers cope during the first few weeks after diagnosis.

Common feelings and emotions after a child is diagnosed with cancer

There are no right or wrong feelings when you learn your child has cancer. And you are not alone.

Some of the most common feelings and emotions parents and caregivers say they have include:

• Shock, disbelief, or denial
• Fear, anxiety, or overwhelm
• Confusion or helplessness
• Guilt, sadness, or anger

No matter how you feel, there is no reason to feel ashamed. Many other parents and caregivers of children with cancer have felt the same things. These are completely normal responses.

Learning about what to expect

You will get a lot of information about your child’s cancer and treatment. It would be hard for anyone to remember it all. Try to take it one day at a time. You might even have to go one hour at a time. But you can do this.

Planning and creating routines during treatment

For the first few weeks, your family routines or schedule will likely be very different from what you’re used to. Your child might be in the hospital getting treatment. You might have other children at home. It might feel like you have too many places to be at once. Some people say it feels like a blur or a dream.

Even though you might not have a lot of control over some of these things, it’s important to try to create some new routines, no matter how small. These routines can give you, your child, and the rest of your family a small piece of your day or week that doesn’t feel uncertain or unknown.

Taking care of yourself as a caregiver

It is important to care for yourself as you navigate this stressful time. Here are some suggestions for small ways to care for your mind, body, and spirit.

• Get enough sleep. Sleeping is important. When you don’t sleep well, it can make negative thoughts and feelings worse. Not sleeping well can also be a sign of depression or anxiety. Talk to your own healthcare team if sleep is difficult.
• Eat well. Treating your body well can help your mind cope with stress. This time can be busy. Make time to sit down for a meal or eat fresh foods to help take care of your body. Avoid caffeine and alcohol, which can affect your judgment and ability to sleep restfully.
• Stay physically active. While you may not be able to keep up with your regular workout routine, making time to move your body is important. Take a walk in the hallway between appointments or step outside for a few minutes to refresh your body and mind.
• Go outside. Time outside and sunlight can help improve your mood by releasing hormones that promote calm. Even a short walk outdoors can help.
• Take care of your relationships. Talk with the people you trust. It is important to check in with your loved ones and support system. They will want to support you, and they might also need your support during this challenging time.
• Try to find a moment to relax or do something you enjoy. You might listen to music, meditate, read a book, write, spend time with a pet, watch TV or a sporting event, or bring a small craft to work on during time in the hospital or while waiting in the clinic. While a new cancer diagnosis can change your routine, small enjoyable activities can help quiet the mind and maintain some normalcy.

This may not be possible every day, but finding small ways to care for yourself can help you through your child’s treatment.

Resources for parents and caregivers

You don't have to face this alone. There are people who can help. Knowing what kind of support you may need is a good place to start.

Understand what you may need

The most common unmet needs of parents and caregivers of children with cancer include:

• Information and communication. Many parents and caregivers want more information about their child’s health status, treatments, and disease. See Talking to Your Child’s Cancer Care Team for ways to work with your care team and keep treatment information and questions organized.
• Emotional support. Parents and caregivers often need emotional and mental support from loved ones and professionals. It is important to create a safe space to express your feelings and concerns. Find ideas for sources of support.
• Financial support. Parents and caregivers may need support and guidance about the everyday costs of life and treatment. Learn about your options in Cost of Cancer Care.

Find support and connection

There are many people and organizations that can support you through your cancer journey. Consider reaching out to:

• Your cancer care team: Your team will often include social workers, nurses, doctors and other healthcare professionals. Tell them how you are feeling and ask any questions you might have. They can connect you with other people who can help when needed.
• Chaplains and other faith leaders: Finding someone to talk to about your feelings is important to help you cope. Some people may find spiritual guidance from spiritual leaders or religious organizations helpful.
• Family and friends: It might be difficult for family and friends to know what to say, but often they want to support you. Reach out and ask for support if you need it. You don’t have to do it alone.
• Support groups: Talking to others who have gone through or are going through a similar experience can help you feel less alone and answer questions you might have.
• Primary care provider: Taking care of your own physical and mental health is important during this stressful time. Getting routine healthcare and talking with your doctor about your feelings, especially if you feel you need medicine or need help finding a counselor, might be helpful.
• Mental health professionals: Counselors, therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are available to help you through this tough time. They can help you deal with negative thoughts and build healthy ways to cope and express yourself.