Coping With the Loss of a Loved One
Losing a loved one can feel overwhelming, and grief can affect your daily life, thoughts, and emotions. Grieving includes the entire emotional process of coping with a loss, and it can last a long time. The process involves many different emotions, actions, and expressions, all of which help a person come to terms with the loss of a loved one.
Understanding your own grief and identifying common symptoms may help you cope with it. It’s important to know that grief is normal, to allow yourself to move through it at your own pace, and to know that there is help and support if you need it.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. After the death of a loved one, it’s normal to feel a range of other emotions, such as sadness, anger, numbness, or confusion. Grief can also affect the way a person thinks and acts.
Grieving is different for everyone. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
You may hear the phrase "normal grieving." This simply means the process anyone may go through after a loss. It does not mean everyone experiences grief the same way.
There are three different types of grief: anticipatory grief, common grief, and complicated grief. Learning about each one may help you understand your own grief experience.
Mourning
Mourning is how grief and loss are shown to others. Mourning might involve religious beliefs or rituals. Ethnic background and cultural customs can affect how people mourn. The rituals of mourning, such as spending time with family and friends or preparing for the funeral and burial, can give some structure and support during the grieving process.
Bereavement
Bereavement is the period of time after the loss of the loved one. During this period, people often take part in mourning traditions and share their grief.
Anticipatory grief
Some people might begin to grieve before their loved one dies. They may feel anxious, sad, or more concerned about how their loved one is feeling. This is called anticipatory grief. It is normal. It can give the person who is dying and their loved ones time to work through any issues that have not been resolved. It is part of preparing for the loss of a loved one.
Having anticipatory grief does not change how a person grieves after their loved one dies. When their loved one dies, many people still feel shocked and sad. For most people, the actual death starts the normal grieving process.
Common or normal grief
Each person feels grief differently. The grieving process can have many ups and downs. Some days will be better than others. And over time, the grief often lifts.
You may feel shock, numbness, sadness, denial, despair, or anger. You can also feel guilty, relieved, or helpless. It is common to feel many emotions at once. You might have anxiety or depression. You may find yourself wishing for the time before your loved one was told they have cancer.
Crying or expressing grief is OK. When you are grieving, reminders like a song or comment that makes you think of your loved one might make you cry. You might also cry for no reason.
You may also feel different about your religion, faith, or spirituality. Grief and loss can make you question your beliefs or how you see the world. It may also deepen your faith or help you to understand the meaning of life in a new way.
You may experience disbelief, confusion, and have trouble concentrating. You might not be able to think of anything other than the loss of the person who died. You may have dreams about your loved one or see or hear things that other people don’t (hallucinations).
Grief can cause physical symptoms. Your throat or chest may feel tight or heavy. You might feel sick to your stomach or have no appetite. Some people find it hard to eat, and they may lose weight.
Other physical feelings that are common during grief include dizziness, headaches, numbness, muscle weakness or tension, pain, and extreme tiredness. You may also be more likely to become ill.
When you are grieving, it is common to feel and act differently than usual. It might feel like you are not yourself. You may:
- Have trouble sleeping
- Lose interest in food or activities you usually enjoy
- Feel irritable or short tempered
- Have little or no energy
- Feel restless or more active than usual
- Avoid social activities and want to spend more time alone
All these feelings and ways of acting are normal when you are grieving. But if they do not get better over time, it may help to talk to someone.
Complicated or unresolved grief
For some people, grief continues for a long time and does not get better. This means it is no longer normal grief, but likely complicated or unresolved grief. Complicated grief can affect someone’s health and well-being, and it can prevent them from moving on with their life.
Some people are more likely to develop complicated grief. Spouses and parents of the deceased are most at risk. Other factors that may increase the risk are:
- Having several losses in a short period of time
- History of anxiety
- Trouble coping with loss in the past
People with complicated grief may have worsening symptoms. And they may be at risk of harming themselves. If you or someone you know has these signs of complicated grief, encourage them to talk with a healthcare or mental health provider. Treatment can help.
If you think someone is thinking about suicide, stay with them and get help right away. Call their doctor, go to the nearest emergency room or urgent care, or call 911. If it’s safe, remove anything they can use to hurt themselves.
- Feeling numb or like the loss isn’t real
- Intense sadness, sometimes with bitterness or anger
- Feeling alone or detached
- Feeling like part of them died with the loved one
- Self-blame for the death or wishing to die to be with the loved one
- Distrusting others or feeling that they don’t understand
- Having trouble enjoying good memories and avoiding reminders of the loss
- Often thinking about the loved one or how they died
- Constantly missing the person or feeling life has no meaning without them
- Trouble making plans or goals for the future and a loss of purpose
- Using alcohol or drugs
Grief and coping in families
When a loved one dies, it affects the entire family. Each person may grieve and cope in their own way. Roles and responsibilities within the family often shift, and healing takes time.
Children of all ages go through grief, sadness, and despair after losing a loved one. While the grieving process might look different from that of adults, it is important to be aware of the signs of grief for children and support children through a loss.
Losing a child is one of the hardest losses a parent can experience. Grief after the death of a child is often intense and may include feelings of anger, guilt, deep sadness and physical symptoms. Parents may also struggle with a loss of meaning and purpose in life. While a loss is painful at any age, the sense of unfairness that the child did not get to live a full life can make the feelings of anger and grief even stronger.
A longer and slower grief process should be expected when someone loses a child. Grief may worsen with time as the parents see other children grow and do things their child never will.
Bereaved parents may find grief support groups to be helpful. These groups may be available in the local community. Ask your child’s cancer care team for referral to counseling or local groups.
Families often need to grieve together as well as each person on their own. Each person may have different needs, so it’s important to stay open and honest with each other. Communication can help you support each other through this time.
The loss of a family member means that roles will change. Talking openly about these changes can help. This is a time to be gentle and patient with each other.
A person who had a difficult relationship with the person who died may be surprised by the painful emotions they have after the death. They may mourn the relationship they wished they had with the person. They may regret that things were not different, or that they do not have the chance to change things.
Other people might feel relief. And some may feel nothing at all at the death of such a person. Regret and guilt are common, too. This is all a normal part of experiencing loss.
How long does the grieving process last?
There is no right or wrong length of time for a person to grieve. It’s important for the person who has lost a loved one to allow the time they need to work through their grief.
How long grief lasts can depend on:
- Their relationship with the person who died
- How the loved one died
- Their own life experiences
- What death means to them
- Their cultural practices
It’s common for grief to last a year or longer. Grief often becomes less intense over time. But the sense of loss can last for decades. Certain events, mementos, or memories can bring back strong emotions. These emotions usually only last for a short time.
Tips for coping with grief and loss
If you have lost a loved one, the following tips might be helpful:
- Find ways to express your feelings, such as writing in a journal or using music.
- Be kind to yourself. Try to forgive yourself and others for things said or not said.
- Try to keep your routines consistent. Avoid big life changes in the first year after the loss.
- Take care of your body. Try to eat well, stay active, and get enough sleep. Do things that help you relax.
- Avoid alcohol or drugs. They can slow healing and make grief harder to work through.
- Prepare for difficult days. It is natural to miss someone or feel strong emotions at certain holidays or times of the year. Plan for what you want to do and who you’ll spend these times with.
Getting support
Support can come from many places, including family, friends, support groups, or community organizations. You can also find support from mental health professionals such as therapists or counselors. Reaching out for help can help you cope with your grief.
It may help to talk about your loss, your memories, and your experience of your loved one’s life and death. Sharing your feeling with your family and friends can help. Let people know what you need and allow them to support you.
Hospice grief support
Hospice benefits often offer bereavement and grief support for up to 13 months after a loss. If your loved one was not in hospice care, check with your cancer care or palliative care team for information on supportive services.
Bereavement counseling and support groups
Consider joining a bereavement support group. Being with other people who have lost a loved one can help you feel less alone. They can offer practical advice and information. Many hospices, hospitals, and community organizations offer these types of groups. If you can’t find a group near you, online groups may be helpful.
Grief counseling
Grief counseling helps people cope with the loss of a loved one. It gives people a safe place to share and understand how to work to through emotions that can come with grief. This counseling can also help people learn how to live their lives without their loved one.
Helping someone who is grieving
Many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. You may not know what to say or do. The following tips may be helpful.
What to say
- Acknowledge the loss. It’s okay to use the word “died.” Example: “I heard that your loved one died.” It may also help to acknowledge that the person may be going through a hard time.
- Share your sorrow. You can say something like, “I’m sorry this happened.”
- Be honest. If you don’t know what to say, try something like, “I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care and I’m here for you.”
- Offer your support. Ask how you can help.
- Listen. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and share memories if they want to.
- Respect their pace. Don’t try to force them to talk before they’re ready to share how they are feeling.
- Avoid minimizing the loss. Focus on listening and being present.
What to do
- Check on them. Special anniversaries or birthdays might be very tough. Contacting them and offering presence can let them know you care.
- Offer practical ways to help. Run errands, help around the house, or help with the children.
- Continue to offer emotional or practical support over time. Recovery takes a long time.
- Written by
- References
The American Cancer Society medical and editorial content team
Our team is made up of doctors and oncology certified nurses with deep knowledge of cancer care as well as editors and translators with extensive experience in medical writing.
Last Revised: May 21, 2026
American Cancer Society medical information is copyrighted material. For reprint requests, please see our Content Usage Policy.
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