Telling Others You Have Cancer
Finding out you have cancer can be overwhelming for you, and your family and friends. It can be hard to know who to tell about your cancer and what to tell them. Here are some things to think about when deciding who to share your cancer diagnosis with and what to tell them.
Getting ready to talk to others
Most people diagnosed with cancer want and need to tell the people they trust. You might find that sharing how you’re feeling helps you make tough decisions about treatment and work through changes in your daily life.
Talking about cancer can be hard for the people who have it and hard for their loved ones to hearing it. When you’re ready to tell people about your cancer, you might not be sure what to say. You can start by deciding how much you want to share and with whom.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking about your cancer and your feelings with those close to you, you might want to find a support group or a mental health counselor to help you. A support group or counselor can help you talk about your concerns and issues.
Deciding who to tell
It can help you to start by making a list of people you want to tell about your cancer. People usually tell their spouse or partner first, then other family and close friends. This includes any children you have or are close to. If you work, you might also want to tell your coworkers or people you see less often but who might want to support you.
If you or your family members normally don’t like to talk about personal issues, it’s OK not to open up. Some people are careful about who they talk with and what they talk about. This might be a good time, though, for you to start to work on becoming more open with trusted loved ones.
Cancer changes the lives of both people in a relationship, and both need support. Here are some tips for talking with your spouse or partner about your cancer.
- Find time to talk. Choose times when you are both free from distractions. Some couples find that scheduling a set daily or weekly time to talk works well.
- Be honest about your feelings. Sadness, anger, fear, and anxiety are normal reactions to cancer. You might hesitate to tell your partner what you are feeling because you don’t want to upset them. But hiding these feelings keeps your partner from supporting and comforting you.
- Respect your partner's feelings. You may feel differently from your partner. For example, one of you may feel afraid while the other feels hopeful.
- Do not be afraid to use humor. Laughter and jokes help many people cope with cancer. Laughing together can be important for connection and stress relief.
- Talk about topics other than cancer. Set aside time to connect regularly as you used to before your cancer diagnosis.
- Talk with your partner about how you can support each other. Talk about the ways you each cope with stress and how you can support each other. By sharing this with each other, you might both get what you need.
If you have children, you may be worried about how to talk with them about cancer. They can usually sense that something is wrong. They likely will be upset. It can help to:
- Be as honest and open as possible to help them feel less confused and afraid.
- Use words they will understand.
- Find a balance between too much and too little information.
- Take your time telling your child about your cancer. You might need to have several conversations to help them feel less overwhelmed.
- Explain the physical changes they might see.
- Let them ask questions and express their feelings. Make sure your child has someone, such as another trusted adult, to talk with if you aren’t available or they don’t want to bother you.
- Reassure them that they didn’t do anything to cause the cancer.
It’s often best to share small amounts of information over time and adjust your answers to your child’s age and level of understanding. If you’d like help, you could ask a social worker or school counselor to help you talk with your child. They may also know of support groups for children in your area.
It can be hard to talk about your cancer, even with your loved ones. Here are some tips:
- Talk to your family and friends about your cancer as soon as you feel up to it.
- Explain what kind of cancer you have and how it will be treated. Let them know you’ve made the treatment decision with your cancer care team.
- Tell the people who are closest to you how you feel. This may not be easy, but it can help you get the support you need.
- Some people may be uncomfortable hearing your feelings. Try not to let this upset you. Find others who find it easier to listen to you talking about your cancer.
- Some people will want to help you but don’t know how. Make a list of things you might need help with so they can pick something they’re able to do for you.
If you have a job and want to keep working during treatment, talk to your cancer care team about what you can expect. Ask:
- Will I be able to work my usual reschedule?
- Will I need to take time off? How much time?
- Will I need any changes (accommodations) in the work I do or how I do it?
Depending on the answers to these questions, you might need to plan a meeting with your supervisor and your organization’s (Human Resources) HR department, if needed.
You’ll also need to decide how much you want your co-workers to know about your cancer and treatment. Some people only tell co-workers that they are sick and may need to make some changes to how and how much they can work. Others give co-workers they are close to more details. There is no one right answer for everyone – it depends on your preferences and the culture at your workplace.
Deciding how much to tell others about your cancer
You might not be certain how much to tell each person in your life. But once you decide who you want to share information with, think about how much you want to tell them.
You might want to tell the people closest to you what’s going on and how you’re feeling. This can be hard to do, but it might help to let others know about your fears, anxiety, anger, or other emotions. However, there are other people you want to talk to about your cancer but might not want to share as many details.
For each group of people, think about how much you want to tell them:
- The type and stage of cancer you have
- The treatment you are getting
- The side effects of this treatment you might get and how they could affect how you look and feel
- How your cancer treatment and possible side effects of treatment might affect your usual activities at work and home.
Sometimes you may not want to talk about your cancer or how you feel.Just say something like, “You know, usually I am OK talking about this, but today I just can’t handle it. I’m sure you can understand.” This way you set your own boundaries about when and under what circumstances you are able to discuss your illness.
Other times people may have questions you don’t want to answer or aren’t ready to talk about yet. It can help to plan a response that’s comfortable for you and cuts off the conversation. For example, you could say “Thank you for asking, but I’d rather not talk about it right now.”
Deciding how to tell others
You probably have many people who will want to know about your cancer and how you’re doing. How and when you tell each of them is up to you. You might want to meet some of them face to face, or in a group. If they are not nearby, you might want to do a video (Facetime) call or just a phone call. Or if you have a hard time talking about your cancer, you might want to write a letter or email and tell them they can contact you for details.
Another option is to ask someone you trust to help you tell people about your cancer.
- You could ask your partner or a close family member to keep other family members informed.
- You could ask a close friend to share the news with other friends.
- You could ask your supervisor or a trusted colleague to answer questions from other co-workers.
This could lower your stress and help you focus on what’s important to you.
There are also special websites people with cancer can use to help them keep friends and family updated (see below). These sites let you decide who can see your updates – you can make them public, or limit access to only the people you invite.
Other people send group emails, text messages, or tweets to let friends know when there are changes or updates. Some websites will even send emails or texts for you. This can save many phone calls and yet keep the information coming for the caring or even the just curious.
Practice or write down what you want to say
Sometimes, you may find it difficult to say what you need to. You may even leave conversations feeling you did not share what you meant to. It can help to practice what you are going to say ahead of time or write notes, so you do not forget. That way you can remember the things you feel are most important to share.
When others want to help
One of the first things a friend or family member often says is “What can I do to help?” You might be tempted to say, “Oh, nothing right now. We’re just fine.” Maybe you don’t really know what you need, want your privacy, or feel you have all you can handle without having more people around you.
Remember that most people really do want to help, and you’ll probably need extra help at some point during your cancer treatment. Be as specific as possible about the kind of help you need. Maybe they can make a meal, go to the store, watch your children, walk your dog, or give you a ride to treatment.
There will be times when you don’t know what you need, but even just saying that will be helpful. It also gives them a chance to offer something they can do for you
There’s no perfect way to talk or handle your interactions with others. There may be times when you feel great about talking and sharing, and other times when you feel that communication is not going very well. Realize that you – and others – are doing the best you can most of the time. And that’s good enough.
Anyone with cancer, their caregivers, families, and friends, can benefit from help and support. The American Cancer Society offers the Cancer Survivors Network (CSN), a safe place to connect with others who share similar interests and experiences. We also partner with CaringBridge, a free online tool that helps people dealing with illnesses like cancer stay in touch with their friends, family members, and support network by creating their own personal page where they share their journey and health updates.
- Written by
- References
Developed by the American Cancer Society medical and editorial content team with medical review and contribution by the American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO).
American Society of Clinical Oncology. Talking About Cancer. Cancer.net. Content is no longer available.
Cancer + Careers. At work. 2025. Accessed at www.cancerandcareers.org on December 2, 2025.
Cancer and Careers. Sharing the News. Accessed at https://www.cancerandcareers.org/en/at-work/where-to-start/sharing-the-news on November 25, 2025.
National Cancer Institute. Facing Cancer with Your Spouse or Partner. Accessed at https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/adjusting-to-cancer/spouse-or-partner on December 1, 2025.
National Cancer Institute. Taking time: Support for people. Cancer.gov. Updated January 2019. Accessed November 25, 2025.
Last Revised: December 8, 2025
American Cancer Society medical information is copyrighted material. For reprint requests, please see our Content Usage Policy.
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