Long-Distance Caregiving

Try to find someone nearby you trust to check on your loved one or respond quickly, if an urgent need comes up. Talk with your loved one about their day-to-day needs. Then try to find friends, family, or services to fill those needs. For example, your loved one might need in-person help with:

• Caring for children, pets, or plants
• Transportation to appointments and errands
• Household tasks, such as cleaning, yard work, grocery shopping, and meal preparation

Home care agencies can support your loved one and ease your caregiving responsibilities. These services may be very helpful when you cannot be there in person every day.

Home care services through an agency can include nonmedical support, such as:

• Light housecleaning
• Shopping trips and errands
• Helping with bathing, dressing, and eating
• Having someone stay with your loved one for social and emotional support

Some home care agencies can also provide medical services by trained healthcare professionals, such as:

• Giving medicines (IV therapy, pills, or patches)
• Physical therapy
• Wound care and dressing changes

Services vary by agency and your loved one’s needs. Ask the agency which services it provides and whether they are covered by insurance or paid out of pocket.

• Make sure your loved one and members of the support team have each other’s contact numbers.
• Consider storing important phone numbers in your loved one’s phone for easy access, including numbers for caregivers, family members, and close friends.
• Keep an up-to-date list of healthcare providers, pharmacies, emergency contacts, and other important numbers in a place that is easy to find.

Stay in regular contact with your loved one and their other caregivers. This helps everyone stay informed and raise concerns early.

To make communication easier, you can:

• Ask your loved one what information they’re OK with you sharing, and with whom.
• Agree on one person to be the main point of contact for sharing updates.
• Have regular calls or video chats where you can talk through problems and plan next steps together.
• Set up a group chat for casual, ongoing updates that people can read and reply to as they’re able.
• Keep notes about who is doing what, and share them with your loved one and other caregivers.

If other caregivers are providing most of the day-to-day care, look for ways to support them. Ask what you can take care of from a distance.

You may also support an in-person primary caregiver by helping coordinate respite care when they can’t be there or need to take a break. If you’re able, schedule a visit so you can fill in for a while and let them rest or take care of other needs.

Try an online tool, such as Lotsa Helping Hands or CaringBridge, to coordinate visits, meals, transportation, errands, and other tasks. These tools can make it easier for more people, including nearby friends and family, to help in the ways that are most needed.

Before traveling, talk to your loved one and other caregivers about what’s needed ahead of time. Set clear goals for your visit. Focus on what can only be done in person, such as:

• Seeing for yourself how your loved one is really doing
• Helping with hands-on tasks
• Meeting local helpers and members of the care team
• Reviewing paperwork, medicine lists, and contact lists

If you’re the primary caregiver, a visit is also a good time to check that your local help is working well. If you’re a secondary caregiver, ask whether the primary caregiver would like a break while you’re there.

If your loved one is OK with it and visitors are allowed, try to join them for treatments or follow-up appointments during your visit. It’s a chance to get to know their cancer care team better, ask questions, and better understand what your loved one is experiencing.

Being there in person lets you see things that are hard to notice from far away. Look for changes in your loved one’s energy, mood, appetite, or weight. Also notice signs that the home seems harder to keep up, such as an empty refrigerator or a pile of unopened mail. Your loved one may also need help with things they haven’t asked for. If you notice something that you can fix or make better, ask before taking action, and be careful not to overstep.

Especially if your loved one lives alone, check for safety concerns around the home, such as cluttered walkways, loose rugs, or poor lighting. Simple changes, such as adding grab bars in the bathroom or using a shower chair, can help reduce the risk of falls. You could also arrange for someone else to do this if you can’t do it.

Some visits might feel like there are so many tasks to take care of that it’s hard to find time to just be with your loved one. But that’s often the most valuable part of being together in person. Spending time together can be as simple as sitting together, sharing a meal, or watching a favorite show. Do what feels right for your loved one’s energy level. It’s OK if the visit brings up strong feelings.

Take a few minutes to plan what comes next:

• Agree on who will do what while you’re away
• Set a time for your next check-in
• Update your lists of medicines, appointments, and contacts if needed