Living with an Ostomy
An ostomy (or stoma) is a surgical opening made in the skin when a problem is keeping a part of the body from functioning well. Ostomies might be used to help people with cancer when they have blockages that prevent them from emptying their bowels or bladder, or make breathing difficult.
Types of ostomies
There are different types of ostomies based on where in your body you need it.
Talking with others about your ostomy
You might feel anxious about telling other people about your surgery and ostomy. You might be worried about how they will react and how having an ostomy might affect your social life. Don't feel like you have to explain your ostomy to everyone. But telling your story can help other people understand how you have been affected by your surgery.
You get to decide who to tell about your ostomy and what questions you are comfortable answering. Don’t feel as if you have to explain your surgery to everyone who asks.
Who to tell first
Many people first talk to people who need to know. This might include your spouse or partner, and friends and family who will help you recover from surgery. Also make sure that your primary care provider and other specialists you see know about your surgery.
If you have children
How you talk with your children about your ostomy will depend on their age and what questions they have. It's best to answer their questions simply and truthfully. Depending on what type of stoma you have, they may have specific questions and want to see it.
Speaking calmly about your surgery and ostomy will help get rid of any wrong ideas they may have. They will accept your ostomy much the same way you do.
If you’re single and dating
Body changes from cancer treatment can affect how you feel about new relationships, including sexual ones. You might worry about how a future partner will react when you tell them about your ostomy and cancer. But only you can decide the right time to tell someone you’re interested in about your ostomy.
Help your future partner understand that having an ostomy does not affect your activities and enjoyment of life. Ask them if they have concerns about being intimate with you because you have an ostomy. It’s best not to wait until intimate sexual contact leads to discovery.
For ideas about how and when to bring up your ostomy to someone you’re dating, see Dating and Relationships During and After Cancer.
If you’re in a relationship, married, or considering marriage
Talk with your partner about life with an ostomy and its effect on sex, children, and your lifestyle. This might help reduce your stress about having an ostomy.
Going to an ostomy support group meeting together may also be helpful. Talking to other couples in which one partner has an ostomy will give you both an experienced point of view. See Intimacy and Sexuality When You Have an Ostomy for more on this.
If you don't feel like talking
Learning to talk openly about your ostomy will probably get easier with time. There may be times after surgery when you feel discouraged, and alone. It is normal to feel this way.
It might help to talk with someone you trust, such as a friend, doctor, nurse, or spiritual leader. You might also want to talk with another person with an ostomy about how they’ve adapted to having an ostomy. You can find information about both local in-person and online support groups on the United Ostomy Associations of America website.
Seeking medical care when you have an ostomy
You probably have more than one health care team that provides care for you. Let each of them know about your ostomy and how you care for it.
If you need to go to the hospital, take your ostomy supplies with you. The hospital might not have the same type you use. Do not assume that all hospital staff know much about ostomies. Depending on the type of ostomy you have, you may need to explain how you care for it.
Do not let the hospital staff do anything you think may be harmful. For example:
- If you have a tracheostomy, make sure they know the specific types of equipment you use.
- If you have an ileostomy, do not let them give you laxatives, give an enema through your stoma or rectum, or use a rectal thermometer.
- If you have a ileal conduit, let the hospital staff know that if you need a urine sample they should use a catheter through your stoma and not take urine from your drainage pouch.
- If you’re in doubt about any procedure, ask to talk to your doctor that manages your ostomy first.
Also ask to have the following information listed on your chart:
- Type of ostomy you have
- What part of your body has been removed (if any )
- Details of your management routine and the equipment and products you use
- Procedures you should not have
More about living with an ostomy
- Written by
- References
Developed by the American Cancer Society medical and editorial content team with medical review and contribution by the American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO).
American Thoracic Society. Living with a tracheostomy. Am J Respir Crit Care Med. 2016;194:5-6. Accessed at https://www.thoracic.org/patients/patient-resources/resources/tracheostomy-in-adults-2.pdf on May 9, 2025.
Carmel J, Colwell JC, Goldberg M. Wound, Ostomy, and Continence Nurses Society Core Curriculum: Ostomy Management. 2nd ed. Wolters Kluwer Health; 2022.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Talking with Your Partner. Accessed at https://www.cdc.gov/cancer-survivors/healthy-living-guides/talking-with-your-partner.html on May 9, 2025.
Hollister. Tips for Talking About Your Stoma. Accessed at https://www.hollister.com/en/ostomycare/ostomylearningcenter/livingwithanostomy/tipsfortalkingaboutyourstoma# on May 8, 2025.
Katz A. Breaking the Silence on Cancer and Sexuality: A Handbook for Healthcare Providers. 2nd ed. Pittsburgh, PA: Oncology Nursing Society.; 2018.
United Ostomy Association of America (UOAA). New Ostomy Patient Guide. Accessed at https://www.ostomy.org/new-ostomy-patient-guide/ on May 9, 2025.
United Ostomy Association of America (UOAA). Living with an ostomy: FAQs. Accessed at https://www.ostomy.org/living-with-an-ostomy/ on May 9, 2025.
Last Revised: July 11, 2025
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